Hey, dearest #Galaxy! HAPPY NEW MONTH!!! I know, don’t say it…I love you too.
In this post, I’ll be sharing with you tips on how you can make your Long Distance Relationship work if you are considering going into or already in one. I’ve had this post in my draft for months, I’m just glad it’s finally coming out of the closet (pun intended).
A while back, I put out a couple of questions on my WhatsApp status following a conversation I had with someone who needed advice on being in a Long Distance Relationship.
Of the many persons who replied that they had ever been in Long Distance Relationship (LDR), only one person had a somewhat positive answer. He’s been in an LDR for four years and counting. He was the only one who said he would do it again.
I for one, I’ve been in a long-distance relationship, twice and in this post, I will be sharing with you some things I learnt from my LDRs, things I believe you could find helpful in making your long-distance relationship work, and last. I’m not an expert in relationship matters, but heck, I’ve been in a couple, I’ve read books, and I’ve had the privilege of witnessing other people’s failed and successful relationships. I don’t think one gets more experienced and qualified to speak on a topic than this. Therefore, dearest #Galaxy, I am doing this!
Firstly, what is Long Distance Relationship (LDR)
Oxford dictionary defines Long Distance Relationship as a romantic relationship between two people who live far apart and so are unable to meet frequently.
That is, a love affair between people in different geographical locations. Thus, if you met your partner on the internet, over the phone, or through a mutual friend and you both started dated while you are miles (or continents) apart, my darling, you are in a long-distance relationship.
7 Tips to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work
Tip 1: COMMUNICATION
Communication is key in any relationship, most especially in an LDR.
This was one thing we got right in my first LDR. We spoke every day at designated times because of our different schedules. We talked about every single thing, and I could almost tell what he was up to at anytime of the day. That made me feel like I was a part of his life.
Call, talk, text, send pictures, send random videos to each other all the time. I mean, All. The. Time. See ehn, don’t even go into an LDR if you are broke, and I mean it. Keeping the communication going in a long-distance requires resources. But hey, let’s thank God for the internet.
Tip 2: VISITATIONS
Visit each other or meet up as often as possible. How often you meet would depend on proximity and available resources. And when you do, IT IS A MUST that you make lovely memories together. It is expedient. This was something else we did right in my first LDR. We made fond memories, and those were what we held on to until the next time we could be together. In all those times you’ll feel lonely and really miss your partner, the memories you’ve made, preferably captured in pictures and videos would bring warm smiles to your face. It works.
This and the next lesson were definitely some of the things we did wrong in my second LDR.
Tip 3: READINESS TO MAKE IT WORK
You must both be willing and ready to make the relationship work. LDR needs a lot of work from BOTH PARTIES. After all, it takes two to tango. If a normal relationship needs x amount of work, LDRs require 10x more work.
Now, let’s talk about my second LDR. I was much older in this relationship, but boy, did we not get it wrong from the word go. Funny enough, I was sure he was The One.
I was a corps member serving in a commissioner’s office. I served in Abeokuta, Ogun State and travelling from there to Kaduna wasn’t easy for me. I would have needed a plausible excuse for why I was going to be away from work for a whole week. I would have also needed to take permission from the commissioner and the permanent secretary of the ministry where I served because I was a pet Corper, and the commissioner’s unofficial P.A. 😄 But on the other hand, things were a lot more convenient for my partner. At least, that was my thinking. He had a flexible work schedule, durr… he was his own boss. He could afford to stay off work for days at a stretch, and he had the resources to travel shorter time by flying into town. I was undoubtedly too proud to let him pay for my flight, even though I couldn’t afford it.
I thought he wasn’t pulling his weight, so I didn’t either, and because of that, we went 8 months straight without seeing, all the while resenting each other. Gradually, we began to draw apart. We didn’t have enough memories to hang on to, and neither did we put in the effort to bridge the gap that was rapidly building between us. I was so mad at him for not thinking our relationship was worth his time and effort, and as I would later find out years after we broke up, that was the same thing he thought about me.
Soon enough, the resentment began to affect our communication. Like in my first LDR, we had a routine. I did the morning calls and texts and checking in during the day while he called at night. But because I was mad at him, I was no longer interested in sharing every detail of my day with him. I got even angrier whenever he told me of how much fun he had with his friends because he would always say, “I really wish you were here”.
Things got worse. We started fighting over little things. If he called me later than he was expected to, I’ll call and go ballistic on him. 😂🙈 This mama wasn’t happy. She missed her man and detested that he was only saying he missed her but wasn’t making moves to see her. It soon became a trend to go to bed angry at him, and for that, I’d refuse to call him in the morning or send my usual daytime texts.
That was a weakness on my part, I admit. See, I really loved him and I wanted to be with him,forever. He was literally perfect, no jokes. But he wasn’t speaking my love language, and that leads us to the next tip.
Tip 4: LOVE LANGUAGE
To make an LDR, or any relationship, work you must know each other’s love language!
I’m a firm believer that one should know him/herself before going into a relationship. It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you do not know yourself to an extent, I don’t think you have any business being with someone else. It saves everyone a whole lot of headache. What do you want, what do you like, what don’t you like, yadda yadda. You must be able to communicate all these to your partner and figure out a way to work with the information provided.
Which brings me back to my second LDR. There was no way on earth we could have worked with the way were going. So yeah, I had an idea what my love language was. Yo man, I’m that girlfriend who always wants to talk to her man about everything. I love goofing around. I love piggybacks, putting my legs on my man’s head, sitting on his face, placing my head inside his shirt or under his armpit. I am an unapologetic gumbody who enjoys cuddling and bugging her man. So yes, not seeing my partner for eight months took its toll on me. Honestly, there was no way on earth we could have made that relationship work because we weren’t speaking each other’s love language, and that was what eventually led to our break-up.
Having an understanding of what your partner likes helps you make more informed decisions.
Check out my wacko video on Long distance Relationship here
Tip 5: TRUST
Once any of you lose trust in the other, dazall! 😂 I don’t even think I have more to say about this. It is just what it is. A relationship without trust is going nowhere. It’s that simple.
Tip 6: COMMITMENT
If you are not going to be committed to your partner and the relationship y’all have, why bother in the first place? Just let them know. Don’t go around messing with people’s heart, emotions and life. Stay loyal to your partner and be committed to making your relationship work, no matter what.
Tip 7: COMMUNICATE!!!
This can never be overemphasized. When I say communicate, I don’t mean just talking, but listening to what the other person is saying. Ensure that what you are saying is clearly stated and understood. Leave no room for assumptions. Don’t expect your partner to know what you haven’t told him/her. Also, you must be willing and ready to listen to what they say. Allow your partner to air his/her opinion and thoughts. Ask questions to be sure you are both on the same page.
On a final note, I doubt if I’d ever venture into another LDR. No man, $h*t is energy-sapping, but that’s not to discourage others. If you know what you are getting yourself into and y’all are both ready to put in the work, GO FOR IT!
And on the final final final note (LOL), a Long Distance Relationship would work depending on the parties involved. It has worked for some, it’s still working for others.
If you are in an LDR and trying all you can to make it work, I duff my hat for you, and I wish you the very best!
Have you ever been in an LDR?
How long did it last?
Will you do it again?