A few days ago, I woke up feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Radio couldn’t cheer me up, neither did food. I just sat on my bed feeling an overwhelming weight pressing me down and literally snuffing out the joy and strength in me.
It made no sense.
Things aren’t so great in my life but hey, they aren’t that bad either. The personal project I’m working on is looking good, so far. Our blog just got nominated for an award (Please click here to vote BOLAJI GELAX under the PERSONAL BLOG category if you haven’t) and the support from my Stars has been massive. The other projects I’m a part of are going on just fine and I’ve not been hungry.
Yet there I was wanting to shut myself out of the world. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone so I turned off my small phone, disconnected the SIM card on the other one and binged on Prison Break instead. At intervals, I’d find myself pausing the film and staring into space thinking about nothing.
I wanted to travel down to Ondo State to visit my aunt. I just wanted her to wrap her arms around me and rock me gently without saying a word. She gets me the most. If she wasn’t my aunt, I’m certain she would have been my twin or soul sister.
But nope, I didn’t call her up and neither did I travel. My excuse was that I was expecting a callback from an audition I did few days ago, so i couldn’t leave town. Well, the callback came this morning and guess what? I turned it down.
As you can imagine, I had responsibilities to attend to, tons of them, but I couldn’t care less. I was just tired of being so strong on my own. I was tired of having everyone think I needed no help. I do need help, I just don’t want it. Try figuring out Miss Independent and you might understand me better.
I’ve grown so accustomed to being the shoulder people lean on, the voice that coos to sleep, the one who comforts and encourages. I’ve grown so strong and independent that feeling weak is foreign to me.
However, the few times I ever get beaten down, all I want is a damn HUG!
I just want someone to look into my eyes and say, “Kudos, Gelax, you’re doing so well. Your rest is near”, kiss my forehead, hold me in their arms for a long while, then tickle me till I cry for mercy.
I don’t want to be told that I’m a strong woman. I already know that.
I don’t want you telling me things will get better. I’ve never doubted that.
I don’t want to be reminded of my few achievements. I never stop counting my blessings.
I just want a DAMN Hug!
Oh, in case you’re wondering, I’M PERFECTLY OKAY NOW. In the absence of someone to hug me, I woke up this morning and hugged myself. I’d do the same thing when I wake up tomorrow and the day after. Know why? This is my life, and as much as I’d love to be hugged by someone else, I owe it to myself to show up for myself first. And so do you.
We all need people but never forget that YOU NEED YOU first.
Dear Stars, as much as you can, hug as many people as you can BUT PLEASE, stay safe out there. Boss Rona is still in town.
And please, no sympathy comments, I’m too bougie for that (Just kidding😅). But, I promise, I am absolutely fine. All I wanted was a hug.