Am I crazy to want my heart broken?
I have loved and I have been loved back. I had my first boyfriend in secondary school and trust me, it was no puppy love at all. I loved him for real and I was even convinced at some point that he would be my husband as the feeling was too deep.
We loved each other with a love that was more than ordinary, there are people from my secondary school days who still tease me from time to time asking us to come back together. Our relationship was everyone’s envy 😊
I love love that you don’t have to try so hard to make happen but when it does happen, you both want to guard it with all that you’ve got. [This brings to my mind stories from Harlequins novels ^_^]
So I just realized that my heart has never really been broken. I do experience heart aches after breakups for reasons such as; I miss him, or miss what we could have had, or just feeling stupid for dating such a person in the first place 👀 but never have I ever had someone really break my heart.
I must be really crazy to be longing for a heartbreak now that I’m advanced in age with most of my mates already married with kids (my mum would not leave Ori-Oke Gbogunmi until I fix a wedding date if she reads this 😂), but really something in me feels I need to experience 💔 so I can love deeply.
|Do I need to be hurt deeply to learn to love deeply?|
When it comes to matters of the heart, I get too guarded. You know, shielding up my heart before I even agree to date a guy. I don’t give anyone that opportunity to catch me unawares. I always ‘sense’ when a guy has started cheating on me or is tired of me already. I will just jejeli help his ministry by breaking up with him so he can enjoy his new game very well (I can’t even kee myself biko).
This is one of the reasons I stay clear of light-skinned and good looking guys. I don’t have a single ounce of energy or patience in me to be dragging a ‘hot’ guy with other girls abeg 😕 I just never let myself, especially my heart get that vulnerable to be messed over by any man.
But really, I feel the need to get my heart broken. You must think I’m crazy, yeah?