AM I CRAZY?

Am I crazy to want my heart broken?
I have loved and I have been loved back. I had my first boyfriend in secondary school and trust me, it was no puppy love at all. I loved him for real and I was even convinced at some point that he would be my husband as the feeling was too deep.

We loved each other with a love that was more than ordinary, there are people from my secondary school days who still tease me from time to time asking us to come back together. Our relationship was everyone’s envy ๐Ÿ˜Š

I love love that you don’t have to try so hard to make happen but when it does happen, you both want to guard it with all that you’ve got. [This brings to my mind stories from Harlequins novels ^_^]

So I just realized that my heart has never really been broken. I do experience heart aches after breakups for reasons such as; I miss him, or miss what we could have had, or just feeling stupid for dating such a person in the first place ๐Ÿ‘€ย but never have I ever had someone really break my heart.

I must be really crazy to be longing for a heartbreak now that I’m advanced in age with most of my mates already married with kids (my mum would not leave Ori-Oke Gbogunmiย until I fix a wedding date if she reads this ๐Ÿ˜‚), but really something in me feels I need to experience ๐Ÿ’” so I can love deeply.

Do I need to be hurt deeply to learn to love deeply?

When it comes to matters of the heart, I get too guarded. You know, shielding up my heart before I even agree to date a guy. I don’t give anyone that opportunity to catch me unawares. I always ‘sense’ when a guy has started cheating on me or is tired of me already. I will just jejeli help his ministry by breaking up with him so he can enjoy his new game very well (I can’t even kee myself biko).

This is one of the reasons I stay clear of light-skinned and good looking guys. I don’t have a single ounce of energy or patience in me to be dragging a ‘hot’ guy with other girls abeg ๐Ÿ˜• I just never let myself, especially my heart get that vulnerable to be messed over by any man.

But really, I feel the need to get my heart broken. You must think I’m crazy, yeah?

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17 thoughts on “AM I CRAZY?

  1. Everyone has an experience with secondary school love which I consider as love by sight cos the true behavior is yet to come out. I would not subscribe to your opinion of wanting to have an experience as regards heart being broken cos it is not everyone dat can stand it without being shattered. Sometimes u think u are wise by being careful, but always put it at the back of ur mind dat where ur game ends is where others who have played the game began. Ur last statement about handsome or light skinned guys is sometimes not true cos the devil isn't handsome and yet Pple go him to seek for so many things. I wouldnt want to help u grant ur wish cos I might get hurt while trying. Cos anyone can fall in love with the right attitude and behavior of the partner.

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  2. DEEP! Although I still think ours was more than that kinda love.

    In reality, Lucifer was actually the most good looking angel but peeps started painting him ugly to sort of scare us.

    Thanks so much for your insightful comment Idumu๐Ÿ‘

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  3. Guarding your heart is beautiful and u feel strong until u fall in love with someone you don't even have an explanation for aw it happened. My candid opinion, u good as you are with no hrt-brk, cuz u rili dont wanna have such a horrible experience.

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  4. Almost everything we did as teens, including love, were usually with innocence but not without some ignorance. A number of these actions, especially the love-related ones, left us hurt and with some lessons. I believe those experiences are meant to equip us for a better life as adults both mentally and emotionally in differentiating the one from those others not meant for our hearts. Be wise as the serpent and gentle as a dove from the scriptures should guide us too.

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