NB: This is not a feminist post
Some of my friends think I’m too hard on myself when it comes to dating, but there is a method to my madness. Regardless of how we (society) have come to accept that the phallus-bearer in a relationship should be the one catering for the needs of his inamorata, I am of the opinion that you (man or woman) do not have any business dating if;
1. You can’t fend for yourself
2. You can’t support or splurge on your partner to an extent.
I do have a serious issue with dating someone when I don’t have enough money to attend to my basic needs. Once I love you, I want to show you that by spoiling you from time to time.
I’m the type of girlfriend who goes into a store to get sanitary pads and comes back with the nice pair of socks she saw on the rack for her man. I want to take you out on a date with my money, or order your favourite meal for you from your favourite restaurant and have it delivered to your office in the middle of the day.
Oh, God help me that I’ve fallen in love with you by your birthday, I am definitely buying you gifts the number of your years. No, I’m not trying to prove a point to you or anyone, it’s just who I am, it’s how I speak love, it’s how I show that you are mine and in my every waking thought.
I sure love to spoil my man. What?! And shamelessly so!
Secondly, I’m the girl who loves to gist, especially with my friends and partner. I would bore you with every detail of my day and thoughts. Like Tupac and Angela, I want to mentally fork with you.
I tell you what’s on my mind and I want to know what’s on yours. Now, I’d hate to even have to think at any point that my partner/friend is thinking the reason I’m telling him I’m hungry is because I need him to send me money, or when I mention that I’m low on airtime, it’s because my broke ass wants a recharge.
I may actually do; I just don’t want you thinking it’s your responsibility.
I repeat, this is not a feminist post.
The truth is, I’d most likely mention it in passing, but I would also be uncomfortable if anyone feels they are under any pressure to do or give to me. See, I like that I can tell my friends about the things I want but can’t afford yet and they will call me silly names or say stupid things like, “As you fine reach, you dey chop rice without meat”, or “And when someone sees you looking all peng, they won’t know your pocket is empty”.
Ah, call me crazy, but I love that kinda energy!
They already know there is no pressure to do, and that I just need to talk at that point.
Surely, this is a completely different ball game when you are dating. Because African men have been raised to be the provider, they seem to think me stating the things I need is me stylishly asking them to provide. I don’t blame them, I mean, have you met people of my gender? Still, I hate having to pick my words around my partner.
Oh, what I hate more is how we (women) think we are entitled to take, take, take and not give, other than the occasional highly pathetic gift of boxers and singlets.
I sincerely think that’s why women are forced to do and endure things they ordinarily wouldn’t and shouldn’t take in a relationship; because they’ve made the man their saviour, benefactor, provider and father. You are forced to overcompensate, overdo and over-indulge to the extent of losing yourself in a relationship.
So yeah, I don’t think you should date, as a woman, if you do not have your own money.
Hey, Stars! Valentine Writes, a Zimbabwean blogger who blogs here and I were supposed to work on this piece together but at submission, we decided to upload what we wrote separately, because they’re good!!! LOL.
So tomorrow, I will be sharing his version of the same topic with y’all. If you think this is nice, wait until you read his.
The beautiful Mablees, a fellow creative from Ugandan graciously edited our articles. You can find her works here.
Also read: Dating on a budget (2): Two Dollar Date
Yeah. I think relationship can be expensive. But irrespective of this supposed expenses that come with relationships, contentment is key. The most important things in relationship are the pleasurable memories you can create, the connection, mental synergy, understanding and love. These things are not necessarily expensive to create. Just be contended and love within your budget.
Within your budget… That’s the koko. But then, budgeting is based on money yeah.
Lol… Just joking (maybe not).
All these things you stated are key, alongside money 😊
Looking at my account balance now, dating has been postponed till 2021.
Love is important but money is importanter.
While you are being spoiled by your partner, you should reciprocate too.
Insightful post as usual.
Kudos, Gelax.
2020 has not ended yet now. What can God not do? Just look at your president, Laycon😁😂.
Thanks plenty plenty plenty, darling! ❤✨
… reminds me of a scenario I once had.
I see solid reasoning in this. Typically of the same mindset. If you do not have the relationship currencies (time, care, money, love, patience) or your currencies are of different definition, I strongly recommend you don’t even delve in. The point is, ensure you have and share said currencies… Plus your money gats back up the relationship cruise na.
That being said, wonderful piece Gelax. And awesome editing from Mablees!
Wow. This comment is so apt. I recently discovered that paper currency wasn’t the only thing holding me back from fully committing myself to a relationship. I’m emotionally numb Even when I take interest in someone, it fizzles out almost immediately. Like something is eating me up from the inside. An anti-love virus maybe.
There’s a lot of soul searching and healing I need to go through and I have a painful feeling it’s going to be one long process. 😪😪😪
Yemi, I’d write about this thing you’ve described soon. Because asides money, there are several other factors that should be considered before dating.
Too much sense will not kill you! 🙌
Thank you ❤✨.
Are you talking to feminists or patriarchy princesses? This is highly dependent on your audience oh? If you’re talking to feminists, then yes. Broke dating is stupid. I just ordered a bracelet of 10k for someone’s elder brother. When he returned from a trip I got a rolex and a designer bag. It’s how it works in my relationship. However, if you are talking it patriarchy princesses, then yes. The rule is to take, take and take as a female.
This must be Abigail! Only she speaks this language 😂
But yeah, patriarchal princesses only think of what they can get, and hardly ever what they can give.
The problem with dating in these times is that we let already set standards define what we want out relationships to be. Hence, unrealistic expectations.
Funnily enough, I don’t think expectations are necessarily bad. But you must be able to give as much as you take to create a healthy balance.
Money is also not everything, but it is important. Still, the most important thing would be to learn to speak your partner’s love language fluently, if not, no amount of gifts or money will stall the imminent wreck.
Last last, to each their own.
Ah, we should collaborate on the next piece.
Like you said, it is and should be a give and take equation to create a healthy balance. I am a giver, not being able to give my partner would definitely kill me. And ah, money is important, let’s not lie😂
Can love only be epitomized through the show of materialism on the ride of consumerism or dating today is capitalistic
Dear Benjamin,
Yes, love can be expressed through materialism but it shouldn’t be the only way. By nature, we are all capitalists but what makes love sweet is the symbiosis the parties involved form.
And dating should not be a means of amassing wealth. Giving is only an expression of love and not a manifestation of materialism.
BTW, I have read your comment more than five times and each time, it cracked me up.
Oh, please don’t get me wrong, the question is valid and makes absolute sense; the rhyme just gets me.
I wanted to crack you up, you described my kind of woman, and am lucky to have experienced many in my life
You sure did! Lucky man you are then…LOL
As the day passes… knowing you more… i am more convinced that we have soooo much in common. I think this “miss independent ” kinda trait is in the family!
I agree with you, i am aware of my responsibilities as a girlfriend and a wife (when the time comes), so no unnecessary pressure on my man, yet i won’t spoil him by not making him take charge and foot some bills because men are babies.. the way you do things with them in courtship is the almost the same trend they will continue in marriage.
I love you cous😉
Ah yes, my love! We are strong women and as such, we shall raise stronger women, and men.
True, the pace you set in courtship is what you will ride on in marriage.
I LOVE YOU SILLY!
So much to learn and experience here. Comments on👌
Like many things in life, relationships are value oriented, and value should come from both end to strengthen the bond. If one person is simply dishing out value (In all currencies as mentioned above)…maybe that’s the agreement for the other person to be useless. Who knows?
Let’s be guided.
Holla Gelax!
I mean, my Stars are just here spitting wisdom all over the comment section, and I’m here for it! ✨
Hahahaaa… Being useless could indeed be there agreement 😂
How did I miss the fact you mentioned Tupac..my own Shakur! I re-stan you!🙌🙌🙌
Hehe… I’m glad you caught it. 😁
I so love this post.
Awww… We so love you! ❤✨
One of my favourite things to do these days is thinking of how to creatively spoil this man with the chikini money I have, even though gifts are at the bottom of the list of love languages for him. Rings. T-shirts. Food. Decorative items for his apartment.
Never have and never will subscribe to the idea that spoiling your partner should be the man’s sole responsibility. You wey be woman just wan siddon dey collect spoiling like idol? Biko biko biko.
Don’t mind us, we think say na only us like better thing.
Girl, I love to hear you talk about your ‘this man’… Love love love eeeet! 🤭