NB: This is not a feminist post
Some of my friends think I’m too hard on myself when it comes to dating, but there is a method to my madness. Regardless of how we (society) have come to accept that the phallus-bearer in a relationship should be the one catering for the needs of his inamorata, I am of the opinion that you (man or woman) do not have any business dating if;
1. You can’t fend for yourself
2. You can’t support or splurge on your partner to an extent.
I do have a serious issue with dating someone when I don’t have enough money to attend to my basic needs. Once I love you, I want to show you that by spoiling you from time to time.
I’m the type of girlfriend who goes into a store to get sanitary pads and comes back with the nice pair of socks she saw on the rack for her man. I want to take you out on a date with my money, or order your favourite meal for you from your favourite restaurant and have it delivered to your office in the middle of the day.
Oh, God help me that I’ve fallen in love with you by your birthday, I am definitely buying you gifts the number of your years. No, I’m not trying to prove a point to you or anyone, it’s just who I am, it’s how I speak love, it’s how I show that you are mine and in my every waking thought.
I sure love to spoil my man. What?! And shamelessly so!
Secondly, I’m the girl who loves to gist, especially with my friends and partner. I would bore you with every detail of my day and thoughts. Like Tupac and Angela, I want to mentally fork with you.
I tell you what’s on my mind and I want to know what’s on yours. Now, I’d hate to even have to think at any point that my partner/friend is thinking the reason I’m telling him I’m hungry is because I need him to send me money, or when I mention that I’m low on airtime, it’s because my broke ass wants a recharge.
I may actually do; I just don’t want you thinking it’s your responsibility.
I repeat, this is not a feminist post.
The truth is, I’d most likely mention it in passing, but I would also be uncomfortable if anyone feels they are under any pressure to do or give to me. See, I like that I can tell my friends about the things I want but can’t afford yet and they will call me silly names or say stupid things like, “As you fine reach, you dey chop rice without meat”, or “And when someone sees you looking all peng, they won’t know your pocket is empty”.
Ah, call me crazy, but I love that kinda energy!
They already know there is no pressure to do, and that I just need to talk at that point.
Surely, this is a completely different ball game when you are dating. Because African men have been raised to be the provider, they seem to think me stating the things I need is me stylishly asking them to provide. I don’t blame them, I mean, have you met people of my gender? Still, I hate having to pick my words around my partner.
Oh, what I hate more is how we (women) think we are entitled to take, take, take and not give, other than the occasional highly pathetic gift of boxers and singlets.
I sincerely think that’s why women are forced to do and endure things they ordinarily wouldn’t and shouldn’t take in a relationship; because they’ve made the man their saviour, benefactor, provider and father. You are forced to overcompensate, overdo and over-indulge to the extent of losing yourself in a relationship.
So yeah, I don’t think you should date, as a woman, if you do not have your own money.
Hey, Stars! Valentine Writes, a Zimbabwean blogger who blogs here and I were supposed to work on this piece together but at submission, we decided to upload what we wrote separately, because they’re good!!! LOL.
So tomorrow, I will be sharing his version of the same topic with y’all. If you think this is nice, wait until you read his.