How to eat Eba and still have flat stomach

Eba is made from cassava flakes

Wait ooโ€ฆ so you really came to see if we’d actually drop the “secret” of flat stomok? Lolโ€ฆ lookachu with your phone in one hand and bread in the other! No no, just take a minute and look at your tummy; are you proud of yourself? Even if we had the secret, do you think we’d drop it for free? Come off eet!

Anyway, just so they don’t say we didn’t do anything for you, read through and discover how to eat your cake (eba) and still have it (a flat tummy). 

Let’s start with a story

Yemi was a very particular guy. He knew exactly what he wanted in every aspect of his life. And so, it wasn’t a surprise when he mentioned his particularity when it came to the women in his life too. He grew up with a petite mother and had flat bellied sisters and aunts around him. His dad’s side had no girls as his dad was the only child. 

Enter our girl, Sade. Now she’s everything a guy like Yinka would like. At least that’s what he felt when he struck up a conversation with her in the bar. Average height, sweet-smelling, dark-skinned beauty in a thigh-high slit gown that added miles to her legs. Yinka was practically drooling when he walked up to her. 

“Hey, beautiful! Mind if I sit with you?” 

Fifteen minutes and few shots of tequila later, Yinka had Sade’s hand in his, laughing like old friends. 

“Really? You peed your pants? So what did you do?”

“I took my L and left the school with that day ingrained in memory. What did you expect? I was in junior secondary school and the room was dark. Of course, I got scared with the scary stories floating about”.

He caught himself watching our girl. She was easy to talk to. Her attention was on you when you conversed with her, and she wasn’t stingy with her money. The evening saw the both of them going Dutch on everything spent and this was without any animosity too.

Wow! What a woman! I guess it’s time to close this deal and call it a night. – He thought.

“Where do you stay? Mind if I drop you off? I know I’m a stranger so maybe not at home but somewhere close to your house?”

She broke into a sultry smile and nodded assent. She got up from the chair she’d been sitting in all the while to follow and boom, Yinka sees it! The dreaded roll of belly fat. Just a little pouch above where he guessed was her hip bone. Immediately, my guy slowly began to lose interest. 

* * *

See, they got along for a while and even got with each other a lot more after that. But eventually, Yinka moved on. In fact, Sade sees his latest Instagram story and the girl he is with now looks like one of those Victoria Secret models in their cute beach photos. All these in turn later got Sade upset. 

There was nothing Yinka’s new girl had that she didn’t, except, of course, a flat belly. She figured that all those late night meals must have really contributed to her big stomok. Let’s not get started on the amount of bread she eats or the countless wraps of swallow, and that secret stash of chocolate bars that she’s strategically placed in all her bags to keep her and her sweet tooth’s company. 

Sincerely, she didn’t need a seer to tell her all these have caused the pouch she now wears on her midriff. But was it enough to make her lose a catch (as in Yinka)? Well, personally I don’t think so. But what’s my own? 

Anyway, our pretty friend hits the gym and even starts to down gallon after gallon of those slimming tea they always advertise. Why? Because she’s convinced that if she looked and felt like those flawless ladies on IG, Yinka would’ve stayed.

Now, if you were looking for one “aspire to perspire and rewire the wire of your tire”๐Ÿ˜’ post, you can like to turn back now and leave. HOWEVER, before you leave, mind us giving you a few REAL solutions or you could call it words of wisdom? 

Right! First things first, you know that not everyone can have a flat tummy, right? Yup! No matter how hard you try, you cannot ’cause that’s really just how your anatomy is built. Don’t let the instagram motivational speakers, fitness experts and waist trainers sellers and magic herbal tea peepuu push you to die before your time. All in the name of fitfam, you got yourself drinking some nasty tasting liquid? Abeg abeg abeg! 

A lifestyle. That’s what you need to work on. Weave a pattern into your way of life. Practice until you can’t do without it. Practice what? you ask. Practice healthy living. 

Drink plenty of water and mind your own business. Eat more veggies with a lesser proportion of swallow. No one is asking you to go on a salad-only diet, please. You’re African na and more importantly, you have tastes. Just make slight adjustments here and there, and watch your body do the rest. 

Be intentional. Have a mentality of give and take on everything you put into your body. You know the amount of bread you’re taking in, so, you should know the amount of veggies, roughages and cardio you’ll need to take it out. Pay a stronger attention to details. Even the slightest detail like “trying to put something in your tummy” shouldn’t be ignored. Mbok do not starve yourself all in the name of getting a flat stomok. Eat, but eat smart.

Oh, shall we talk about that belt some people wear that makes it difficult for them to breathe or even laugh? Jeez! Why, why are you doing this to your mother? Do you want her to lose you at a young age because you are trying to look ‘smash!’ Please, sucking belle alone to take pictures is a draining task for me, which is why I don’t get how people survive tightening their intestines for hours. Like, the actual heck is that?!

Single lady, before you wound yourself for the Yinkas of this world, ask if Yinka will lift a dumbbell for you.

Married lady, before you die of starvation after bearing children because you don’t want your husband to look at other ladies, make sure he’s on the diet with you. 

Our point is, if you are doing the fitfam for yourself or medical reasons, then by all means. But if it’s because of one man you want to kill yourself, taaaarh! Perish that thought, babe!

efo riro (vegetable soup)

Please, enjoy good food and be merry. Is it not this one life you have? Abeg, Chop the life of your head! So when you roll up for that Owambe and the waiter positions thar beta plate of eba and efo riro with orisirisi in front of you, remember two things. First, drop that fork and wash your hands! Don’t be disrespectful, talmabout using a fork to eat swallow. ๐Ÿ˜• 

And secondly, you can eat that eba and still keep a flat tummyโ€ฆ just drop the extra wrap and know that you are going to sweat it out later when you’re doing your sit ups. Yeah, that’s right! You gotta exercise. 

Oh wait, you thought we wouldn’t mention it? Lolโ€ฆ think again!

Co-authored by Ink Nomad Kunle and Bolaji Gelax.

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Bolaji Gelax

Hey, Star! Thanks for stopping by my world. I'm a gorgeous, sassy radio junkie who enjoys playing devil's advocate. I love everything that makes me happy, which includes the Stars in my #Galaxy. They call me MISS FLOWERY because I bring good vibes, love and light. Feel free to explore my world โคโœจ

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16 thoughts on “How to eat Eba and still have flat stomach

  1. Gelax, the head of my grandmother will not forgive you for enticing me with this post.

    See me thinking that the days of my GP tank called stomok are finally over.

    Anyways, flat stomach for me will happen after I have given birth to my 17 boys.

    Till then, I will continue to chop life before life chop me.
    Ire o!

    5+
    1. LMAO… bhet I’m not the only one that wrote it now ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      17 boys?! Are you into human trafficking?๐Ÿ˜ณ

      Enjoy your GP tank dey go o jere ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  2. I second Ayobami on this! The head of my dead grandfather will judge you both, Bolaji and Kunle. ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ 

    I’m doing “no bread” September, but amala every night and exercises every morning. Operation confuse the FUPA!

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  3. Lolz.
    Now this got me but I’m unperturbed because like I always say, “my big stomach is my ID, evidence of good living.”
    Who will love you will love you!
    That’s my 2kobo.

    2+
    1. We’re (not) sorry ๐Ÿ™Š

      As in ehn, imagine someone losing out on the opportunity to have a beautiful relationship with an awesome person because of stomok! Shior! ๐Ÿ˜’

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  4. I like that the post is humourous and informative at the same time. I was just smiling throughout the read. Well done, guys.

    The problem of normative feminine representation is caused by the media. Slim, fair complexioned women with flat stomach used to be the ideal women sold to us. You’d see it on hair extensions ads, cream and soaps ads. Air hostess, office-boss, etc were showcased as women with straight hair and flat tummy among other things.

    This is the reason Nigerian women started excoriating their skin and wearing extensions in 70s up till this day. These days, the ideal classic and elitist woman is a woman with a flat stomach and many want to be that woman. You no go blame them na because even if you go for interview, the employer is looking to see if your appearance would be appealing to their fan-base or customers.

    As the hedonist philosopher, Naira Marley, would say, do whatever pleases as long as you are comfortable with. If you are working on having a flat stomach for a man or a job, good for you; in as much as it is what you want, but don’t kill yourself while at it.

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    1. Did I just read pidgin in your third paragraph? ๐Ÿ˜ณ Nomad and I must have done something right then๐Ÿ˜

      Yes, the media and general representation of women have impacted the gender negatively.

      Eeerrmm… Sorry, I see the ‘intellectual Marlian’ in you. Well done ๐Ÿ‘

      We’re really glad you enjoyed the post! โคโœจ

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