I believed I failed myself, and you.

Isn’t it weird, and a little crazy, that the project I’ve been dreaming, praying, fasting, crying, and raving about finally came out and I could find the gut nor the willingness to come tell the Galaxy.

A part of me wanted to shout from every rooftop on my chaotic street, in every bus I’ve boarded, on motorbikes, as I walked down the streets, on set to my actors and other crew members and to just about everyone who could hear/see me. However, the belief that I might have failed myself, and you, wouldn’t let me be great.

All I’ve done in terms of publicizing Tangerine since it came out has just been me fulfilling all righteous and thinking about all the money I’ve spent on this production. It felt like I had to do it for the sake of others than because I believed in it myself.

Yeah, you couldn’t have guessed right? LOL. That’s the thing with happy people; it’s easier for us to deceive people than your average person.

However…

On Monday, I woke up feeling very proud of myself. Just like that. It suddenly dawned on me from the minute I opened my eyes that I’m a bad beach. I had only forgotten that fact.

🤩

This morning, I woke up feeling very happy. Like the joy in my heart from different from that which is my default setting. No “wise one” was needed to fathom what was happening in me.

I had just gotten my senses back. Hallelujah! Your baby girl was finally out of her head and after what seemed like an eternity, I recalled how friggin’ awesome I am.

🌼

It feels so good!

The Day 1 Stars in this Galaxy (subscribe to the blog to become a Star, if you’re new here 😘) already know that I don’t hold back in hooting my own horns. It’s not characteristic of me to wait to be handed my flowers; I cultivate and harvest them myself, inhale the fragnance then send some your way –in case you accidentally missed the scent.

That’s why it is preposterous, even to me, that my 2.5 million naira dream premiered three weeks ago and up until today, I didn’t allow myself acknowledge nor appreciate what great job I’ve done. Totally ridiculous!

Like yo, I freaking produced a series just months after resigning my job with no savings or plans whatsoever! I started out with less than 20k and here we are… You watching my dream with me.

Again, dreams do come true if we only find the gut and resilience to push through.

Bolaji Gelax

Truthfully, I didn’t feel proud of #TangerineTheSeries, and this is a feeling that had been lingering for a while.

This isn’t exactly what you envisioned.

Nah, you’re better than this, Gelax.

Not sure people like it, they’re just being polite.

Oh, how could you have let those actors were that costume in that scene?

You could have done better than this, B!
Sure this has been worth all the hype?

Yo, if only you waited a little longer, with the experiences you have now danggg, Tangerine would have been a bomb!

Like what the actual fork?!

Skies! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Writing this now, it’s hard not to smack myself for ever allowing such false thoughts take root in my mind.

No, Tangerine wouldn’t have been if I had waited any longer. Someday soon, I would say more.

Ah yes, Tangerine is a beautiful series and not only am I proud of it, I am proud of everyone who was a part of it’s success.

And nope, it couldn’t have been better than this as at the time we went into production.

Does anyone remember how green a rookie I was? Heheheee… I hadn’t even gotten a good waka pass in a movie role prior to Tangerine. I certainly knew not a thing about film production, only followed my passion and inate ability to organize and coordinate things/people to make this project.

Did I make mistakes? LOL… Don’t get me started please, yet…

See ehn, let me burst your brains further, I didn’t know what a Production Manager did in a film before Tangerine’s production 😂. You may not get this but I’m sure my industry people and those who have seen me execute this role would understand, and pleasantly surprised.

Yes my darling, I told you I’m badass.

Bolaji Gelax - Devil's Advocate

Bet you’re also wondering too…

How dare I undermine my worth? How dare I, Bolaji Gelax, allow the stupid impostor voice in my head deprive me of the joy of such a hooge feat? How could I have forgotten who I am, what I’m made of? Me, Bolaji Gelax?

Oma se o. What a pity!

Up until this morning, I hadn’t stopped to smell my flowers and I’d been unfairly critical of myself as a Producer and of #TangerineTheSeries.

This same Tangerine that has incited many people to go after their dreams.

This project that I’ve heard several testimonies of how it made people exercise their faith in God.

This same production that has brought me more career growth and opportunities in less than a year than my almost three decade could have prior boasted of.

Shame on ME for not being my own cheerleader this once!

But hey… All that is past.

The real Bolaji Gelax is back. The unapologetic, sassy, witty, confident, spontaneous, proud, and ever-ready-and-unafraid-to-take-the-world-on Miss Flowery is back, and I couldn’t be happier.

Dearest Stars, in case you missed it…
After seven Herculean months of post-production, my baby and debut as a filmmaker is out on YouTube 🥳🥳🥳


I have been loving the feedbacks from y’all, yo! I’m overwhelmed even. More importantly, I sincerely appreciate everyone who has hit me up with a constructive criticism. For sure, season 2 is going to be a blast. Oh. My. Gosh.

Not to worry, all you have to do is click this link to watch all the episodes of #TangerineTheSeries on YouTube, SUBSCRIBE, like, comment and SHARE. Verily, I have no plans of tarrying nor stopping in blessing y’all with abso-freaking-lutely amazing contents 🤩

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Bolaji Gelax

Hey, Star! Thanks for stopping by my world. I'm a gorgeous, sassy radio junkie who enjoys playing devil's advocate. I love everything that makes me happy, which includes the Stars in my #Galaxy. They call me MISS FLOWERY because I bring good vibes, love and light. Feel free to explore my world ❤✨

16 thoughts on “I believed I failed myself, and you.

  1. Growing up I watched a lot of Nigerian work, in the past, I only watched one Netflix production. But since I watched the first episode of Tangerine and realized the story was about this modern Africa my love for West African production was restarted

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  2. Congratulations Bolaji!!
    I’m such a big fan of Tangerine.

    Literally no one is doing it like you! No one!
    Congratulations Bolaji the Producer! ❤️

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  3. Ncoohhh darling you are a real Gelax, never forget that. Sometimes we just need a reminder of how amazing we are, even if it comes from ourselves.
    Dreams are indeed valid. You are destined for greatness. And no one can take that away from you. That 20k was enough to make your dream a reality.
    You had a great team on Tangerine. Welcome back you Badass. You are a star and never allow the imposter voice in your head to take that away from you.
    Love you lots.

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