I was a puny 10-year-old

Hi Stars!!! Anonymous here.

Big shallawt to Bolaji for giving us a platform where we can share our experiences unashamed, especially me that likes to hide my real face. Lmao.

I was a puny 10-year old who had been told to go to the neighbour’s house to get ifami (a leather bag or plastic bucket tied to a long rope used in drawing water from the well). I was scared and nervous as I walked down the long, dark passage. I found my neighbour sitting on the couch in his room illuminated by the candle on a stool.

“Mummy said you should borrow us your ifami,” I said, barely audible.

You see, I was a very shy kid and was generally afraid of older people. That’s what happens when you live with a father that is physically and verbally abusive. You live with a constant fear of the unknown.

“Come and sit next to me”, He said.

I obeyed. I don’t remember much of what he said but I know at a point he asked me to lie down which I did. Then he got on top and started dry humping me. When he was done, he gave me biscuit, said something about not telling anybody and told me where the ifami was.

This man was a pastor, and in my books pastors were to be revered; God’s assistants on earth. So, I must have felt what he did was okay. This continued and over time, I came to look forward to the rendezvous and would be there before he called. I spent many a nights making this man cum in his pants. Later on, I guess he didn’t want to appear suspicious so he asked me to stop coming. But I was already sexually awake. I had an itch that needed scratching.

Therefore when my uncle and my dad’s PA, and our security guy came unto me, it was business as usual. I would let them dry-hump me, they would give me little gifts and then I would go my way. One day, my neighbour, Lilian (not her real name), came into my house and had ‘sex’ with me. I didn’t think it was weird at that time. I felt it was what I was already used to only that this time, we were butt naked. Lilian became my new ‘pimp’. At night, I’d sneak out of the house and go be her play thing.

By the time my family relocated, I had done all sorts with Lilian and two other sisters living in our compound. In our new location, it was just me and the fire between my legs so I resorted to pleasuring myself all the time. Here I was thinking I was some sort of virgin angel because I wasn’t having sex or getting pregnant like the other girls. Little did I know I’d one day break my hymen while masturbating.

Cruel joke, universe.

I had sex with the first guy I fell in love with. It wasn’t what Harlequin Romance had made me to believe it would be. I blamed it on first time experience, but consequent times would reveal my body just wasn’t responding well to men. During this time, I was also dealing with same-sex attraction.

I had a relationship with this girl. She was my sexual fantasy come alive; something I never experienced with guys. I was going to die there. But I had to end things. She was openly gay. I wasn’t. I didn’t want to risk being exposed. So I turned online. I would create false identities and sex chat with women, sexting and masturbating. With time, I began to get juicy offers from mostly lonely, sexually frustrated married women. Men are not trying sha. But I decided not to toil that path.

I still had a fire that needed taming so I turned back to the available option; men. Changed them like underwear cause none was giving me the sexual satisfaction I wanted. Maybe subconsciously I was trying to suppress my gay feelings. But I didn’t see what I was doing as sleeping around. I was only testing microphones. I was your everyday quiet nerd who was sleeping with more men than the loud girls who clubbed every weekend.

The second guy I fell in love with halted my dick hunting. Not because his joystick gave me that much joy, but he was bloody popular in school. I was really crazy about him and didn’t want to sabotage what we had. But the fire that cannot be tamed wasn’t done with me. I slept with someone else. And for the first time, I experienced a mind-blowing, soul-gripping, body-dripping sex. Boo found out, we broke up, blah blah blah.

I was already a gone girl. I had found the man of my sexual fantasies, someone who conquered my raging fire. I’m talking 50 shades of orgasm after orgasm. I was reaching various levels of rainbow coloured clouds. But as life’s a comedian, me and new boy were not just caught up in the sheets, we got caught up in feelings too. I asked him out. We dated. I broke up with him. We remained bed mates.

The sex dwindled. We got caught up with life plus I was hurting low-key. I really wanted to experience life with him but I had hurt him already and could tell he had built some pretty high fences. We still meet twice or thrice a year for some stress-relieving sexcapades. We act like it’s just sex but we spend most of the time laying in each other’s arms in absolute silence. Almost like there’s a conversation neither of us was ready to have.

It makes no sense that I’ve never been faithful in relationships yet I’m faithful to a guy I’m not even dating. Or maybe I’m just dickmatised, because I don’t think there’s anyone else who would make me feel the way he does. I don’t think I want anybody else to make me feel that way. Maybe na jazz sha. Time would tell.

Thankfully the years of burning are behind me. I have more control over my sexual urges now. I avoid anything triggering, especially talking about sex and naked women. Yes, I still struggle with same sex attraction. But we go dey alright. Let me round up here and go jog off the sexual tension that is building up in my lower half.

Ciao.

This rant was sent in by a Star that chooses to be Anonymous.

When I first got the email, I honestly didn’t know what to think. I asked myself if I wanted to upload this on Gelax Chatroom. I genuinely wasn’t sure if I should, so I sent a mail to the sender asking if she really wanted this posted or not. Well, here we are.

I decided to post this because it takes great strength for anyone to come out and share their unpleasant story with the world, anonymously or not. I don’t judge people, but I sure as hell feel like hanging those imbeciles (male and female) who laid their filthy hands on a little child just to satisfy their sexual urges. Gosh! What has this world become?