I’m an African but… Let’s openly talk about sex


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Let's talk about sex - Gelax Chatroom

In many African communities, sex as a subject matter has completely been neglected over the years. Be it in summary or in a detail, many people, especially African parents, shy away from talking about it. And it is not because they fear their children or anything, but because of the ’embarrassment’ that this topic brings up. But worry not guys, for I, Bildad, the brazen one, is here to talk about it.

Let me start by asking,

When was the first time that you learned about sex?

Who was the first person you talked to about sex?

The most common answer by many will be that primary school was where they first learned about it and that their teachers and friends were the first people who they talked to about it. However, this may not be the case for all as some may have different answers which is okay, but among these different answers, at home and parents are answers which are least stated.

It is saddening to see that many African parents abhor sex education in the current era that we are living in. Most of these parents tend to overlook and ignore talking about this vital topic with their children, all as a result of one surprising reason that I had earlier mentioned, embarrassment. Folks, this is the influential reason as to why many Africans, especially the African parents, shy away from talking about sex.

Consequentially, their fear of being embarrassed has made their children to know sex as a bad thing, or how most of the little children in Kenya term it in Swahili as “tabia mbaya” which when translated to English simply means “bad manners.”

As a result, when these little children grow up into their early teenage years in primary school (let’s say at around class four or five); when they start experiencing puberty and the feelings that come along with it; they unknowingly find themselves engaging in early sex and sexually related activities like caressing and osculation. And once their parents come to find out that their children engage in such activities, what do they do?

Don’t the parents rebuke, beat, curse, chase away, and even take other strong and hurting measures against their children? Children whom they failed to talk to and educate on such matters!

But even after these parents rebuke, curse, and do all other sorts of related things, will anything be changed?

Of course not! On the contrary, these children suffer even more! They’ll end up having early unwanted-pregnancies, sexually transmitted illnesses which will then lead them to be guilty, fall into depression, opt for abortions, and in worse scenarios, commit suicide.

So, let us talk about sex. Let us not shy away from this topic. Let us openly talk about this sex and sex education matter without any fear whatsoever.

Let us change this whole sex education narrative that our children currently know, that when it reaches that moment when our children will be asked, “From who did you learn about sex education?” Let them proudly answer by saying, “It was from our parents.”

The time is now that our children may learn about sex education from as little as when they are eleven years old. So that they become aware and be able to avoid the possible dangers that come along with issues related to sex.

This much needed but shied away from conversation was written by a Kenyan, Bildad Makori. He blogs HERE.

Stars, this is the sixth episode of the “I’m an African but…” blog chain started by Valentine and Bolaji Gelax where we’ve had people from different countries in Africa write about things they’re expected to like, love or be as Africans, but they are not.

It’s been a superb train ride and you can catch up on episodes one, two, three, four, and five.


Bolaji Gelax

Hey, Star! Thanks for stopping by my world. I'm a gorgeous, sassy radio junkie who enjoys playing devil's advocate. I love everything that makes me happy, which includes the Stars in my #Galaxy. They call me MISS FLOWERY because I bring good vibes, love and light. Feel free to explore my world ❤✨

16 thoughts on “I’m an African but… Let’s openly talk about sex

  1. The supposed prudence and reticence to the subject of sex is not peculiar to Africa alone. In the 17th and 18th century in Europe, the State actually monitored what people did and said about sex. The discussion and practice of sex was reduced to reproduction alone.

    Every society evolves and as civilised as Europe might even seem, some part of it, especially Central Europe, still, in some way, shies from sexuality of the body.

    This generation of Africans are more progressive and things are changing. We can now talk about sex without the cultural aberrations and moral casuistry we’ve always found as an excuse. As far as I can tell, children born to this century are doing a better job than the older generations.

  2. “Don’t the parents rebuke, beat, curse, chase away, and even take other strong and hurting measures against their children? Children whom they failed to talk to and educate them on such matters!”

    Not only are parents and guardians failing to educate the youth, they blame the youth for their own shortcomings.

    We can and should do better…

  3. Bildad!!! Thank you plenty plenty plenty for jumping on the blog chain❤️✨. Now I know two Swahili words 😁🤭

    Two weeks ago, I stumbled on a blog by a young African lady (21-22 years old). A sex blog actually, and my gosh, was I blown away? I’d always thought only older people talk/write openly about their sex life in Africa.

    I found the fact that she started the sex blog when she was 19 was very refreshing, and I think “liberating” was the word I used in describing it to a friend. I spent hours binging on that blog!

    I mean, we have sex, don’t we? So, what’s the pretense? Why not simply educate ourselves and the younger ones especially, instead of treating SEX as a scared thing. Oh Africa, hypocritical much! 🤦

  4. Well am in total agreement with you here, my parents have never mentioned anything about sex till today hehe and am what 20 something interesting right!

    Anyway I see above comments people say it’s getting better but is it !
    In Uganda I have interacted with many young kids ,teens and all they really know is to avoid being touched nothing beyond that.

    Our news is still filled with 14year old pregnancies especially rural areas .
    It’s going to take deliberation before all this can be dealt with.

    And your right it definitely starts with us.
    Thank you for sharing brazen one.

    1. As far as sex education goes, all I was told was not to let a boy/man touch my cloth, else I’ll get pregnant.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Miss Delightful 🤗

  5. I keep saying that the precise people who get unwanted pregnancies and STDs are the ones that know the least about it. Society looks down on the “wild”, but the wild know how to survive the jungle, it’s the tamed that get swallowed up by it.

  6. I can’t remember the first time I heard about sex but I know that I’ve been seeing it on TV, in movies and blown out blue films (as we called them those days) from pry school like he said. Then getting teased about it in secondary school by my dad that if I get a girl pregnant one tin one tin, can’t remember exactly how he put it, but the message was that I shouldn’t panic, that everything will be fine or so but I’m not sure that will be the same message for my sisters. Quite an imbalance.

    1. Sounds like boys get what’s close to sex education than girls. Or isn’t that what this is?

      Ah, all the things we say on TV and the live acts by peeping into our neighbour’s window, gosh🤦. I surprise say we no spoil pass the one wey we spoil o 😄

  7. Hmm.
    Sex Talk! That is actually a series on my blog.
    you can’t imagine how much I love to talk about sex now after knowing what I know now.
    I believe that the more we talk about it, the better it will be for the upcoming generation.
    So yes, I am African but I can talk about sex anytime and anywhere without fear or shame!
    Thank you Bildad!


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