Dear Cancelled Boyfriend,
I can bet my last kobo that from the title of this letter, you already know this is for you. Truth be told, in my first draft, I named you Faruq (which is very far from your real name but pretty close to how I feel about you), but hey, I’m a nice girl!
Remember how Tee nicknamed you 11:59 because you always called very late at night in the first few weeks? Well, that’s what I’ll be calling you in this letter -11:59.
11:59 and I went to the same university and we had quite a number of mutual friends. I knew him and he knew me too, but we never met officially. Fast forward to 2019, one of our mutual friends decided to matchmake us.
Interestingly, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of matchmaking because growing up, I saw Mumsy do that a lot. There are families that came to be because that woman did a good job, but I never thought I’d give it a go.
Anyway, this beautiful mutual friend of ours was somehow convinced 11:59 and I were a good match. She wasn’t wrong.
We clicked from the first hello. The chemistry between us was undeniable and I remember thinking I was in big trouble from that first night we spoke on the phone. We would stay on the phone for hours gisting and laughing until one of us fell asleep. Of course, the culprit always denied it. LOL.
The first time we spoke was on a Wednesday and I remember you wanted us to meet up that weekend but I refused. Let’s just say I didn’t trust myself enough to keep me in check around you, so I stalled. I needed to buy me some time. Although, I doubt if that made much difference because, y’all, our first date was wild!!!
Here is the gist, yeah…
Okies, because I knew there was an undeniable attraction between us, despite just talking on the phone, I was deliberate about toning down my dressing for the date. Of course, I had to look good but any trace of sexiness was carefully tucked away.
I kinda knew there was a tendency for us to misbehave in public. Know what I mean? Actually, no you don’t but moving on…
From the moment I set my eyes on him, pheromones were just flying left, right and center! I wish I could spill more tea but we have some U-18 Stars here. I could give you a hint though.
Okay… have you ever seen two animals on heat before? Yeah? That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
Stars, hmmm… let’s just be thanking God that I was celibate because I doubt if being in public would have stopped either of us from making it to Instablog9ja.
Moving on! 😂
Despite how “steamy” that day was, I still managed to switch on my sense storage tap to cool things down. I had left home with a notepad and two pens because I wanted 11:59 and I to have a serious convo. Yup, I’m one of those girls who don’t joke around even on first dates. Especially if I like the guy enough to think we may have a chance.
So, I made us write down
– Things we liked about each other
– Things we wouldn’t take from a partner (aka deal-breakers)
– Things we expect to get from a partner
– Our aspirations, short and long-term goals.
Need I say how impressed he was by that? I was proud of me too!
Although I had never made any guy write those things down, I usually like to get such questions answered earlier on before I start catching feelings and my judgement gets clouded. Really guys, ain’t nobody too smart not to get “blinded by love”. However, the pen and paper was peculiar to 11:59 because, like I have mentioned, we were very sexually attracted to each other. And I’m not foolish to think talking alone would cut it on that first date.
From what we wrote down and discussed that day, we both agreed our matchmaker was right to think we could work. He was so excited he thought we should start dating immediately but I gave a firm no. And here is why:
I have a very colourful personality which I’ve discovered could be as much of a curse as it is a blessing.
A curse most especially when it involves romantic relationships. Over the years, I’ve learnt that men are usually convinced they are in love with me when in truth, they are only attracted to my flowery personality. And it’s tricky because many of them don’t even know this.
Hence, to protect my fragile heart, I like to put a prospective partner through a probation period (the time frame varies, depending on the person involved) for The Blues Test.
The aim of The Blues Test is to help me uncover if the prospective really likes me, Bolaji Gelax, or Miss Flowery, my alter ego. Trust me, this test has saved me from many heartaches and that explains why I’m either single or in a serious relationship.
I’m a sucker for people being mentally, spiritually, psychologically, physically and purposefully in sync before they commit themselves into a relationship. I really should write a post about this.
Anyway sha, 11:59 passed The Blues Test. At least, that was what I thought.
After a few months of just dating and getting to know each other better, I asked him one evening, “When are you going to ask me out again?”
He sure didn’t see it coming.
“I was planning to do that on Sunday”, he stuttered.
“Eh ehn, what’s special about this Sunday that you were waiting till then?”
Long story short, we became a couple officially that evening. This was shortly after I returned to Lagos after my second eviction.
Oh, I think it’s worthy of note to mention that 11:59 had a good kissing game.
Anyway, we had it good for a couple of weeks and just like that things took a major nosedive. Simply put, I was dating a guy that wasn’t dating me… heheheee.
It’s crazy because I didn’t even notice at first being that I’m not one of those girls who waits for you to call first. I miss you, I call you up.
We had a pattern. I did the morning and midday check-ins while he usually called me on his ride back home from work and we hung out almost every weekend.
Apparently, he hadn’t been calling me for a while but I didn’t notice because I always called. I usually just assumed he was probably working later than usual, tired or something, so I’d call him up before I went to bed.
Until one fateful day…
I was low on cash and airtime and the amount in my account was a round figure I needed to withdraw the next day, so I couldn’t recharge. That was sha how I stayed up waiting for his call o. I dropped messages on WhatsApp and all, yet nothing.
Boy, I was worried sick that night! As soon as I got to work the next day, I borrowed a colleague’s phone to call him.
“Hey, baby, are you okay?”
“Hey, Gelax” (I loved how he called my name), “What’s up?” He asked casually.
“What do you mean by “what’s up?”, I’ve been very worried about you!”
He laughed then asked, “Why?”
I was legit confused. I had not spoken to my boyfriend in more than 24 hours and he was there laughing and asking why I was worried about him. Anyway, I shrugged it off and carried on the conversation normally. I also explained why I couldn’t call him the previous day and he promised to call me on his way back home that night. He didn’t. I did.
Few days after, I couldn’t help but notice the new pattern. Me calling to be sure he was okay and asking why he hadn’t checked in all day. Him brushing it off casually with the flimsiest of excuses.
Baba nla see finish! (Over-familiarity had bred contempt)
Still, I kept making excuses for him thinking he might be dealing with issues he wasn’t comfortable discussing with me yet, like finances, family, work, etc., so I tried to be the understanding girlfriend, subtly reassuring him that I’d always be there if he needed to talk.
When I finally tabled the issue and asked what was going on, he swore everything was good. Is there another woman in the picture? He said no. So, what the heck was the problem then?!
People of God, that was how my supposed boyfriend and I would go days without talking or texting and whenever I called, he’d carry on the conversation as though we both slept in the same house the night before.
Sweet baby Jesus!
I was still ready to put in the work thinking it was just a phase that would pass, even though I was frustrated, until the day I noticed he only called me on Friday evenings and the conversation always started with, “Baby, what’s up? Can I come over to your place tonight?”
Either my response was yes or no, the next time I’d receive a call from him was the following Friday with the same question.
Excuse me please, isn’t that what a booty call sounds like?
Omooooo, I suffered for this guy’s hand sha. Aaah!
There’s more gist in between, but let me wrap it up here for now.
On the 30th of January, 2020, I invited 11:59 over to my place for a sleepover. Mind you, even though we were both in Lagos, I didn’t see my boyfriend throughout December and that January because he was too busy for me. Heheheee… You too can see that I suffered ba? It is well.
Anyway, that night he tried different tactics to get me to talk but I kept my smile intact and repeatedly told him all was well.
The next morning, at around 5am, when he was about to leave my house for work, I called him back and in no nice words told him I was done with his a$$. Stars, I even used the F word and it felt really good!
For all I care, 11:59, you and I never happened.
UPDATE: Tee said your name was 10:15 not 11:59, but who cares?