Letter To My Second Lover

We shall call you Danny.

I first met Danny two years after I broke up with Baron, and although I had moved on from the break-up and Baron and I had become good friends, I wasn’t willing to have another boyfriend until I was done with my 300-level in uni. It was during this “waiting period” that I met and dated my first pretend-boyfriend.

Thinking about it now, I really can’t remember why I was particular about waiting four years after my first relationship before getting into a new one. But if I were to guess, it would be me wanting to be sure I wasn’t going into my next with any baggage from the previous. (You already know I loved my first boyfriend to stupor)

Anyway, as the Ekiti girl that I am, you bet I stuck to the promise of a four-year wait.

I was in my 100-level when I met Danny at Joyful Noise concert. It was at Amphi Theatre and I was having the time of my life with my friends when one of my school mothers handed Danny over to me, literally. LOL. Honestly can’t remember the reason he gave for coming into town that late but it surely wasn’t for the event. I think he was stranded or something; really can’t remember.

Anyway, my said school-mother (I had three of them BTW), who knew Danny from home, thought I was going to be the perfect host because, well… Need I state the obvious? And that was how I got stuck with him all night long.

Of course, we exchanged contacts before parting ways.

Danny returned to his base and that evening, he sent me call credit to appreciate me for spending the night with him.

Oops! That did not come out well, but you get what I mean, sha.

It didn’t take long before things proceeded as per normal normal.
Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy tries to get girl to like him. Girl likes boy. Boy tells girl he likes her. Girl does shakara and pretends the feeling isn’t mutual. Boy asks girl out. This girl turns boy down.

Yes, I said no because like I stated earlier, I was bent on not dating until four years after my first break-up. However, I really liked you and as a proper church girl that I was back then (God, please, come and save your daughter, again) I prayed that you will still be available and interested in me when I was ready.

Fast forward to three years after, I had just wrapped up my 300-level second semester exams and gone to Mayfair to buy my very first Blackberry phone. Ah, this one is gist for another day -preferrably a video because I want y’all to see my facial expressions as I share the details *wink*

Wikimedia Commons

I digress.

Anyway, after purchasing the phone, I decided Danny was the first person I wanted to ping with it. Oh, a Gelax in love is a silly Gelax!😊

Long story short, by the time I returned to school from the break, I had a new boyfriend. My second boyfriend. A man I had liked for three friggin’ years and prayed to God to keep for me. It was an abso-freaking-lutely beautiful feeling!

2012 was my farm year (the practical year for Agricultural Science students in my school) and this meant I had a lot of spare time. And although I like to keep my relationships under wraps, it didn’t take long for my friends to find out about Danny. They were especially happy for me because before that, there had been concerns about me being a lesbian.

As per lover girl, I would travel from my school and spend a minimum of 12 hours (on lucky days) on the road just to see my boyfriend for a day and a few hours. Imagine leaving the park by 6am on a Friday, arriving at your destination by 10pm or later (all hail Nigerian bad roads) and being back on that same bad road first thing on Sunday morning for another exhausting journey. Heheheee… Even God knows I can’t do that shh because of man ever again!

Did I not tell you that a Gelax in love is a silly Gelax?

Bolaji Gelax - Miss Flowery

The good thing about those trips, however short they were, was that Danny was always particular about making them memorable. We’d visit places or just drive around town with the windows wound down while singing along to our favourite songs (Carrie Underwood’s Jesus Take the Wheel was definitely our fave), or just gisting.

Danny was the one who thought me how to fry eggs after I almost poisoned him.🙈

Cooking is not for me, y’all.

I recall the day I told my dad I was dating Danny and mentioned where he lived. My old man was taken aback and honestly didn’t know what to do with that information. We weren’t that kinda close. But I was like, “Dad, I’m telling you this so that when you hear there’s an accident on that side of the country you won’t think it can never be your daughter”.

This I said to him with all seriousness, further compounding the man’s misery. When he finally found his tongue, he sure returned the favour.

Dad: “So, does that mean you’ve started having sex?”
Me: (genuinely shocked and embarrassed) “What?! Dad, no! I’m not having sex!”
Dad: “How do you mean? Do you want to tell me you travel many hours to see a man in so-so place and you guys don’t have sex?”
Me: (still flustered) “Yes, no… I mean yes, dad!”
Dad: “How’s that possible?”
Me: “Dad, please stop. I just wanted you to know for security reasons”.

Really, can’t remember how I walked out of that conversation, but it was AWKWARD, gosh!

It’s funny that I met Danny through one of my school mothers but not a single one of them approved of him. Of course, my coconut head couldn’t and wouldn’t be told who not to date. I thought they didn’t give me enough credit. It annoyed me that they thought I was too young to be in a relationship with Danny who was almost ten years older than me, and obviously more mature.

Guess what? Yup, they were right!

I was a young girl living life without much care and he was… advanced. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready for all the chipping Danny was doing. We fought way too often that I was physically exhausted. Communication between us became so terrible it must have been reading in the negatives.

Phew!

We eventually broke things off before I clocked 21. I think he did the breaking up… LOL. And typical of me, I didn’t tell my friends about it until months after. Actually, I didn’t tell, it was one of them; Tope Sanni, who figured it out herself.

Anyway, Danny got married not long after he broke up with me. I guess the shocker was what happened less than a year after the break-up that made me believe I might have been just a side chick.

Damnnnn… That hurt, I won’t lie.

Still…

I am particularly grateful for this relationship because from it, I learnt more about myself. One could even say I grew from a girl into a woman because of it, as that was the first time it really hit me that I had a lot of growing up to do.

My relationship with Danny, better put, the end of the relationship, awakened the desire to learn more about myself, identify the areas I needed to change (or work more on), and sharpen my strengths.

Fun fact: Danny and I chat at least once a week about the most random of things. And he enjoys playing daddy in my relationships. He always goes, “Who are you dating now? What does he do? Do you think he loves you? Do you love him? Do you see a future with him?”

And I’m like, chill bro, you’re my ex, not my papa! 😅

Really, if I were to write you a personal letter, Danny, it would all be summed up in this bit from Shout out to My Ex by Little Mix;

Shout out to my ex,
you’re really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here’s to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I’m all the way up…

So, thank you!

Once-upon-a-time yours,
Bolaji Gelax

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Bolaji Gelax

Hey, Star! Thanks for stopping by my world. I'm a gorgeous, sassy radio junkie who enjoys playing devil's advocate. I love everything that makes me happy, which includes the Stars in my #Galaxy. They call me MISS FLOWERY because I bring good vibes, love and light. Feel free to explore my world ❤✨

46 thoughts on “Letter To My Second Lover

  1. Oh girl. The fact that post is about the ex, I opened it with a second mind coz personally am someone’s ex which hurts me more when I remember the simple thing that separated us.
    Get me right, I just enjoyed every bit of this painting and am sure you were side chick to the second boyfriend no matter how you loved your first man…

    I have alot to comment but feel the space might not allow though you having gone through relationship with two boyfriends at 21years left me guessing your childhood flows.. Lol

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    1. I hate when it’s simple things that break beautiful relationships.

      I was sidechick all right 🤦🏻‍♀️

      Oh, my childhood was as fun as it could get😁. I did start out dating quite early tho. (Twitter covered this already, yeah? 😉)

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  2. 😂😂 it was very brave of you to tell your father for safety reasons, could never be me. I would probably say whatever happens happens. I enjoyed reading it like the rest stories❤

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    1. Thinking about it now, I may have told him just to unravel him.

      Talmabout, “Yo dad, your baby girl now has a baby boy” 😂😅. I know me too well to think that could have been the main reason I told him. 🤭

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  3. Oh my Miss Sunshine you always having me holding my sides from laughter…..
    Your crazy that’s easy to tell👌👌
    May the next one just put a ring on it these others don’t know what they missed.

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    1. I’m glad I do 🤭 and I know you love my crazy coconut head like that🥰.

      Oh, I might just put the ring on his finger instead 😅. Just kidding (not😉).

      Thank you muchos, Miss Delightful. ♥️✨

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  4. Already creating a movie in my head reading this write-up… 😊 9ice1… By the way chatting with Danny after the break up… Do you guys ever stumble or reminisce on the past occurrence…?

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  5. I didn’t date throughout uni, because I didn’t see the point. But I was a frightening number of situationships. 👀👀
    If I had dated in uni, I think it would have ruined me. I was quite a foolish child who thought she knew everything. Jesus really took the wheel from my stubborn hands.

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  6. I love how you’re always honest!
    I bet that conversation with your dad way wayyyy awkward😂😂

    Gelax, you studied agriculture???

    I also love how you and your ex relate. It feels weird o😅

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    1. Oh, thank you plenty plenty plenty 😁.

      I’m guessing it was more awkward for him. Poor man! 😅

      My dear, I studied Crop Production and Protection for that matter. Can you just imagine? 🤣🤣🤣

      Even I don’t get how I manage to maintain a weirdy cool relationship with my exes… LOL

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  7. Lmao you and I are so similar 💀💀 after my last relationship, I was also hell bent on spending 4 years single 😂😂 I don’t know why the number 4.
    That clearly hasn’t worked 😂

    Also, the part about telling your dad 💀 everytime I ever went far to see a guy, I prayed against accidents because how would I tell my mother I was on my way to another city to see my boyfriend? 😂

    You are a whole vibe! I loved this.

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    1. Waittttt! You waited 4 years, too? Look at us twinning 🤩🤩

      It didn’t work at all. Imagine waiting four years just to become a side chick, eish! 🙄

      Things we do for boys, huh? 😂

      And I love you! ♥️♥️♥️

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  8. Hehe

    I distance myself from heart issues…

    This is a personal story and I love your honesty. It keeps encouraging me…

    As for being side bae all along, mehnnn it is painful

    I am glad you got onto a journey to discover you after it…

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    1. Awww… You’re too sweet!

      It did hurt, really but hey, life happens, yeah?

      That, I am thankful for😁. Thanks for reading and commenting, Love my lover! ♥️✨

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          1. Lol calm down, a girl as beautiful as you deserves a grand proposal. That was a teaser. You know what they say, you don’t test the depth of a river with both feet

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