LONGTIME TOASTER

The word toaster’ may be grammatically wrong in this context, but according to Nigerian English {please excuse our English}, toaster or chyker is a noun used to describe a man wooing a woman with the intent to marry or begin a romantic relationship with her.

There’s something that has been on my mind for a while now, hence this post. I sort of need help understanding why a toaster remains on a lady’s case for a long time. And how is it that being in a relationship, engaged or married isn’t even enough reason to keep some stubborn toasters away? 

So I ask, women:

1) How do you deal with a man who has been wooing you for a really long time? In some cases, years.
2) What do you do when a toaster (who sometimes is a ‘nice guy’) persistently remains on your case in spite of how not-so-nice you’ve been to him?
3) What do you do about a man whom you’ve never felt any spark for no matter how much he tries or, how hard you have tried?
 
I’ve seen cases whereby the woman has given the relationship a ‘trial’ yet she still couldn’t fully connect with the man. More like she is only in the relationship out of gratitude for what he has done for her or out of sympathy. For example, a young woman who has had a suitor support she and her family for years.
 
Yes I’m sure you must have read, seen or heard about people (our parents maybe) who had no spark from the beginning but later fell in love with each other; but, how likely is that in this age and time where divorce rate is on the increase, people are less tolerant and there are lots of ‘movements’ flying around?
 
Is it really worth risking?
To the men;
 
1) How and why is it that you keep asking a lady out even though she has turned you down repeatedly? 
2) Is it that you are somehow convinced she’s the one for you?
3) Or do you just consider the whole toasting thing a sport? You know, some activity to be engaged in for pleasure?

Like seriously, why would anyone keep going back to a place where he has been rejected and most likely insulted and/or treated badly? Love?
 

Another question for the men;
 
4) Is it possible that through out the chyking period, you did not approach another woman? Or you only go back to her because it didn’t work out with someone else? 
5) Could it be that you do not want to accept that you failed in getting that particular love interest of yours?
 
 
Do you believe in SOULMATES? If yes, how do you recognize your soulmate? Are we to work on being someone’s soulmate or it just happens, you know? 
Do you have answer(s) to any of these questions? Please, feel free to share your story/experience/view in the comment section. 
 
 
P.S: I will be compiling some of your stories and answers (anonymously) in a video for my YouTube channel soonest, but in the meantime, you can check some of my previous videos here
 
 
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25 thoughts on “LONGTIME TOASTER

  1. Ladies have a funny way of saying no that won't determine whether or not she wants you to be persistent or really stop the chase.

    Especially when they are in their forming period

    2. Nope u don't just choose what's meant for you as a guy

    Choose what comes your way,
    The tables have turned.

    3. The pleasure of attraction can keep a man coming for eVr as long as the cake as not been tasted .

    4. The chyk or psych period is for more than one girl. At most 3.

    5. No need for all that , some men are proudly pompous .

    Your soul mate gets attracted to you and stays without you worrying about whether or not u want to keep them or study them.

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  2. Guys Persistence may be due to the fact that they thinks on the long run the girl can actually still fell somethibg for him and sometimes because they think they have a future with the opposite sex…

    A soulmate as I've once read does not just exist in relationships; it can actually be in friendships too. i.e a friend can be your soulmate

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  3. 1. You never stop loving a person because they don't want you, I'm using the word love because the person would have taken time to know the lady/girl and no matter what the lady/girl does, the love won't diminish, it can hibernate tho, after series of failed attempts and only needs to see or hear the person speak and the whole thing comes back, the reasons for the deep affection come back to memory and the cycle begins again.

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  4. Wifey. For me, persistence is key. In fact, it is for both parties. A woman thrives in the fact that a man keeps coming over to ask her out. The character of the individuals matters a lot. Some keep chyking to prove a point that they can get the girl. After that, matter don finish. A man with good character can keep chyking the same girl and avoid chyking other girls in the same period till he gets the one he wants and keep her. I have done this. Matter for this topic long gan.

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  5. As much as so many do it for the wrong reasons, some may be for good. A friend once told me about a lady who told him she would have preferred she married him instead of the person she eventually married. When he blames her for not accepting his proposal, when he did, she told him he would have just persisted a little longer.
    My take is that it's, sometimes, good to persist if you really want the person. But also know when to move on.

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  6. Some guys might have a woman, but will still toast another lady just to check if his toasting skills are still tight. Most guys persist because they hate hearing no for an answer, and some persist because they believe in a Yoruba adage that says "Omo ti won tori e nomi ni ma pada fe" which means "I will get the approval of the lady for whom I was chastised". But most guys can't just stop having that feeling for the lady they are asking out, the more they fight it, the bigger it grows.

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  7. This is a really good one tbh it got me thinking bout some stuff.

    No answers from me but it was really good reading and thinking bout this.

    Keep it up darling ♥️

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  8. LOL… I also think women like been chased but sometimes they really mean it when they tell a man to back off.
    Chyking just one girl for years? You are a different breed then. I'd like to read more about the matter tho *wink*

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  9. Read this post for the first time, and I’d like to say this from observation… there are no rules to the game. Just do what you think suits you and be willing to deal with the consequences!!

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  10. don’t disturb yourself…
    as far as he is not stressing you mentally and emotionally, you are good to go.

    this is my take.

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  11. I think you should be firm and also consistent with your NO if you know there’s no spark whatsoever. Based on personal experience, I don’t think getting involved with someone you have no feelings towards makes any sense. It’s just a waste of both of una time.

    I had to break up with a guy because even kissing him was a chore for me. He now had a personal problem that I couldn’t be bothered to deal with. Perhaps, if I had loved him, I would’ve stayed to at least help him find a solution with me by his side… who knows? But at that point, I was just too irritated by the whole scenario.

    Looking back now, I think I would’ve stayed because it’s not such a deal breaker for me but because it was him, I just couldn’t. Ever.

    Never use people’s lives to play “what if”. It’s totally uncool. If you date or marry that person, they might never meet someone who truly loves them. It means you’ve just blocked both your chances at true happiness. It isn’t worth the hassle. Really.

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  12. Personally, I consider relationships a load of work. So why will I allow a guy keep tarrying around me when I know I’m not interested and there is no possibility of changing my mind? The problem, I think, is that some guys think when a lady says, “No,” she actually means, “Try again later.” And sometimes, they’re right. Or it could be the thrill of the hunt for some.
    How do I deal?
    When I say “No,” I let them know that I really do mean it: no games.
    If I like you enough as a friend and would like to remain friends, I’ll let you know.
    If you insist in remaining stubbornly persistent, I’ve discovered that the good ol’ snub and cold shoulder works like a charm most of the time.

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  13. But what if the guy has seen that he is your “soul mate,” just that you haven’t? LOL

    Just teasing.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Sometimes, we ladies just like to do small shakara and we can’t really blame dem guys now, can we?

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