Dear (Bruised) Ex, Let Bygones Be Bygones

Holla! If you haven’t, please read the first part of this article here 👉 On Exes and Lessons

I used to be ashamed of the number of exes I’ve had. In my almost three decades, I’ve had four boyfriends, a cancelled one and two pretend-dates. So, that’s basically… Never mind, you do the math yourself!

But my shameful days are long gone and in it’s place, I now feel gratitude for the experiences with every single one of them. Like why wouldn’t I? For one, I have more than enough tales to share on my Stars… *just kidding*

Okay, on a bit of a serious note though, these are boys/men that I took my time to weigh the options and maybe even prayed about before saying yes to. These are people’s sons with whom I shared memories (pleasant and otherwise) and did life with for a period of time. The fine African men that groomed me (knowingly or not), and with whom, I discovered a little bit more about myself.

Yeah, there may be that one person, who in retrospect, I know I could have made a better decision of never dating, but hey, isn’t that what life is all about – making mistakes, learning from them and moving on?

These are men that I loved, cared about, prayed for/with, kissed, cuddled, exchanged gifts, bounced ideas and all that good stuff people do in a relationship. Heck, many of my most daring adventures have either been with, for or about a lover. And here, in my world, we don’t focus on regrets, just the lessons learned.

The truth is, life happens to us all. And the elements of that “life” are people, accidents, heartbreaks, breakups, et ce tera.

Why then should one focus his/her energy on hating an ex because, “They broke my heart” or “They betrayed me”? Isn’t that you giving them way too much power than the said person deserves?

Why remain stuck up on an ex who most likely have moved on and forgotten whatever atrocity it was they committed, and deprive yourself of a heart light enough to express love and life again?

You see, I may understand if you want to get back at an ex because of how terrible they treated you, like going to disrupt their wedding or snitching on them (which I’m not totally in support of BTW, just saying), but why get so hung up on the hate that you let yourself sink in the dark, horrible pit of destruction all in the quest for vegeance?

It hurts, I know, but can you try to move on, for your sakes? Please?

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me saying you shouldn’t speak your truth, heck I recently called out my cancelled boyfriend. So, I’m only asking you not to shut your heart to loving again. And should you genuinely choose not to love (romantically) again, be sure that decision is not from a place of hatred or fear.

An adage in Yoruba says, “Bi a ba diju ki eni buruku koja, titi ti eni rere ma fi koja, a ko ni mo”.
Meaning: If you shut your eyes to the bad, you may never know when the good will pass by too.

Dear bruised ex, please, let bygones be bygones. Ex the ex that exed you and move on to the next!

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Thanks for coming to my mini TedTalk. Please share your thoughts with me in the comment section.

This piece written Bolaji Gelax, was first published on Basic Girl blog.