By Bolaji Gelax and Shadray Kinene
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of the leading causes of relationship failures is financial understanding (or the lack of it); who does or provide what.
Many relationships have ended especially where the female feels like the man isn’t providing enough for her well-being in every sense of the compound word. I must firstly admit, a man should provide for his woman. The society and somewhere in the Bible (check 1 Timothy 5:8) have talked about this, and when such verses were discovered by women, damn, it’s been rubbed in our faces more than they rub avocado oil in their hair.
However, I say that it’s upon the woman to understand the capacities in which her man can provide, and be willing to support him where possible (Proverbs 14:1), but I am sure many missed that verse.
I’m sorry but why are women fighting for equal rights, equal pays and equal everything if they’ll still come back home and expect their man to pay for everything? Isn’t that hypocrisy? I read a twitter post from a Nigerian lesbian earlier this week stating that women shouldn’t split the bill on a date with men yet. In her opinion, women should wait until the world is equal before they start sharing the tabs. I thought it was absurd.
I mean, Rome surely wasn’t built in a day. Shall we wait until we have the full tuition for a child’s years in school before enrolling him/her to study? Certainly not!
The only problem these days is that many women have used that understanding (that a man should provide) to heap all their burdens on men as if they didn’t have a life before this man came into the picture. They come into the relationship hoping to earn a living out of it like it’s some sort of employment to love a man. They trade love for money. Imagine paying someone to love you.
If that’s the case, then women should have no problem being objectified. After all, the reason we spend our hard-earned money on things like luxury cars, gadgets and the likes, is so they can serve and/or pleasure us. He who pays the Piper dedicates the tune. Or did I quote it wrongly?
My point is, just as an employer demands that his/her employee delivers according to the contract to earn their wages, women who trade love for money must be ready to keep their end of the bargain. Whatever that is.
With a woman having the mentality that her money is hers alone & the man’s is theirs to ‘eat’, no wonder many have landed themselves men with some change to spare but who are quick to use it to fuck & dump them. (Sorry for the French, I am usually English.) But if at all she’s not comfortable with what the man can offer, then she should let it be known & walk away. Keeping around and wasting his time with false hope is a double damage.
We’ve seen situations where a man runs out of funds and resorts to bailing out of the overly dependent woman’s life, leaving her to cater for the kid(s) by herself because she forgot to acknowledge that a relationship should be a mutual, romantic partnership & not a moneymaking venture. This is not to excuse such men for neglecting their responsibilities, but what do you expect of someone who you only chose to be your poverty eradication scheme or escape plan?
Such men can tell when a woman is only using them and that’s why they, in turn, use their money to get her into their bed just to eat her coochie and dump her. After all, it was an unspoken but well understood business transaction.
Personally, I have no problem with a man providing in a relationship because that’s how things have always been done & that’s what I’ve always told guys; invest in your relationship. But it’s only wiser to invest in one where the lady is understanding & supportive. Otherwise, you’ll be crying foul that women are thieves.
You see, if we are sticking to how things have always been done, then I’m sorry, but we won’t, can’t and shouldn’t expect any change. And as such, movements like the fight against inequality, racism, discrimination, the rights of the LGBTQIA, and even democracy should be rendered null and void.
Don’t ask that men keep taking care of your bills while asking for equal pay. It just doesn’t add up!
Do you know there are girlfriends who expect, and demand to be paid on a monthly basis for being… Oh well, girlfriend! And that doesn’t even stop them from requesting for funds to buy bone-straight hair, red bottom shoes and Fenty beauty products. Eish!
Anyways, relationships have evolved greatly these days especially due to the stretch created by the financial situations. The days of our parents where a man used to marry a woman and keep her at home are long gone. These days women are working too and men are keen on knowing what the woman they want to make a wife is doing before getting to the ring part. No room for excess, dependent baggage.
That’s a C+ for change and I’m so here for it!
Irene, one of my friends whom I am trying to inspire into blogging, had this to say about the topic at hand, “Quite a piece. Do I believe that a relationship is a partnership? Yes hundred percent. But, I believe you can only partner with a person who wants you in their life, someone who sees you as an asset, someone that encourages your initiative, listens to your views, and if they are practical enough, put them into practice. A man’s money can never be enough and no one can provide for your needs 100 percent. That’s why we as women have to work to complement our men”.
“However, let’s not forget there are those men that want their wives to stay home, mind the kids, cook, clean, etc. Such men view their wives getting jobs as a threat to their marriage or relationship, often citing excuses such as other men hitting on them”.
The truth is, there are some patriarchal princesses who are pretty cool with this arrangement and really, no one is judging them. I have a friend who just wants to marry a rich man, pop out a few babies, kick back and enjoy her husband’s riches. To each his own.
“But such men will provide only the bare necessities while she stays at home growing old, bored & fat before he even realizes. When this happens he will jump out of the relationship or marriage & settle for a younger, hotter chic. Such men exist and as women we need to steer clear of them. Let’s choose partners that want to see us grow & prosper together. Let’s choose partners that encourage us, push us to be our best selves & want to work with us to see our progress together as a family. There is a lot I can write about this but from the financial point of view, this is it for now”.
Shadray shares his random thoughts about relationships and love on his blog HERE and you can find his podcast HERE
In ‘The Second Sex’, Simone de Beauvoir reminds not to confuse private interest with general happiness. In relation to this post, I believe that relationship is a partnership and should be defined by the parties involved. As Simone also observes, there are, nevertheless, institutions that purposefully stifle individuals or groups, but when it comes to private matters like relationship, I think the apparatuses of scrutiny are peculiarly different.
Relationship is partnership and in as much as each party is bringing something to the table (that is defined and agreed upon by both parties), I don’t think they have to worry about social expectations.
But personally, I don’t want a trophy partner.
Indeed, to each his own.
I like to relax and be taken care of, but not as my man’s responsibility.
Thanks, Aburo Socrates. We miss your vocabs in the Galaxy. ♥️✨
Sometimes, I feel pity for the guys who have been saddled with about 99.9% expenses in the relationship/marriage (with the exception of those that can afford it).
Today, a man’s worth is tied to provision – drop money or get lost.
I think we need to redefine what relationships are about, but it’s hard to do that today because there are countless reasons people start and stay in a relationship.
So, every mallam with his unique kettle.
Everyone should do what works for them.
And that puts unnecessary pressure on me. It’s a crazy mentality.
Heheheee… My mallam’s kettle is golden 🤑.
Thanks for your comment, Star. ♥️✨
Before beginning a relationship please have sense.
Some people don’t even know why they want to be in a relationship in the first place.
Start with friendship, get to know each other better so that if there’s any disguising werey, you can take a walk early enough.
Relationship is a partnership!
Parasites should not be in a relationship.
Everyone involved has a responsibility, know yours and do it else wahala is inevitable.
Sense is as important as money is importanter 😁.
You’re right, relationship is a partnership and the parties must understand their roles in it to make it work.
Thanks for stopping by, Blog Sis ♥️✨
A man who loves, wants, appreciates and respects his romantic partner will do everything in his power to see her happy and well, including but not limited to making significant financial contributions to her life, whether or not this is a stated requirement of hers. There isn’t a healthy man alive who can love a woman, really love her, and not want to protect her and provide for her.
Every other potential partner will rationalize and justify and make excuses about why they cannot provide financial support.
Rich men don’t financially abuse women, low value men abuse women, regardless of how poor or wealthy they are.
Women don’t use men for money, low value women do, regardless of how independent or needy they are.
Wisdom will not kuku kill you. 🙌🙌🙌
Before I started dating, I told myself, prayed set “God, I want to be able to afford what I want because I don’t have strength or the voice to ask someone for money”. I do not like to pressure people into doing something unwillingly. If at all na money I wan chop, at least, I should be helping him build ideas that can generate the money that I want so that it’s more of a partnership than just sitting and expecting salary for being a girlfriend.
I’m not disputing the fact that a guy should take care of his woman oh(guy, shower me the money, I need it)but then it’s a two-way street abeg. Girls, normalize spending on your man and let us learn to earn our own money, have ours in the bag first. It’s neccesstri! We do not want to be properties.
Heheheee… I so want to hug you right now! 🤗🤗🤗
You’re so spot on, darling! ♥️✨
He he!😁
🤗🤗🤗
If you say ‘A man who loves, wants, appreciates and respects his romantic partner will do everything…’ I think that sort of emphasises the gendered sociocultural and religious expectations that have, over the years, been demanded from men. But if it is a speaker-persona opinion, then I would understand as it’d represent an opinion of a person (regardless of gender) in a relationship. In other words, it should be an attitude everyone should aspire to.
It would mean more pressure but then, it could be his (I really hope it’s a HE) personal opinion as you rightly mentioned.
Nice write-up… Gelax👌… Well Going into a relationship mainly for a particular reason… Be it money, beauty and the likes… The relationship is not considered healthy… Reason been, if that particular thing is missing… It brings about a crack into that relationship which might be very hard to mend or close… But if you do enter for many reasons… It brings about a healthy relationship as per… If 1 is not going well, there is always another to keep you going… In the case of the housewife issue… What I notice there most times is lack of trust… Which is not right… Also in the case of the wife… Some tends to abuse it so as neglecting their neccesary duties as the lady of the house all because of work… More reason why some men do prefer their wife to stay and take care of things at home so far he his able to provide steady for the house… All the same… Understanding is KEY… If each partner is able to achieve a better understanding of things… They will always find ways to balance the situation to favor each party… Gracias
Wow! I agree with you on many levels. Understanding is key truly.
People should know the dynamics of their relationship, as it best works for them, and work with them. Shikena, ba problem!
Thank you so much, Mickey, for reading and commenting. ♥️✨
For me I would say it’s not kul for a lady to be fully dependent on a guy,yes there should be room for support from both parties. At the same time beware of stingy brothers.
It’s the last sentence for me 😂
BEWARE OF STINGY PARTNERS! Lol
Thanks plenty plenty plenty, Eddy. ♥️✨
“This is a man’s world, But it would be nothing, nothing
Not one little thing…Without a woman or a girl” Sang James Brown. (For straight dudes sha)
Most ladies see egalitarian relationships only in the work place. In romantic or family relationship, “you are the man” certain things is expected of you. Like proposing, paying for dates, making her laugh, etc. It’s a deal breaker for most ladies if the man does not take care of certain things. It is what it is. The “feminist manifesto” does not negate that. Every lady want security…one that can provide for her kids too. It starts in the relationship for most. We Just hope to find a supportive lady who understands this things and still reduces the bearings and excess demands on you. Know who you are dealing with.
P.S Most guys look out for independent ladies this days…but these ladies don’t mind being ‘spoilt’ once in a while too, even if they can afford it. To me, Men can’t escape certain things. We gotta deal with it and balance every las las.
Well done guys! ✍
Ola’
I’m an independent lady BUT I love love love being pampered every now and then. I find it more blissful when I pamper my man.
That said, I agree with every point you made.
Holla! ♥️✨
I think this is a discussion where we have to redefine gender roles,we have to stop looking at ladies as trophies there by parading cash in order to woo them . Impliedly we are saying,”I got this” we must teach our daughters not to view men as ATMs and equally to the boychild on expectations in a relationship
You deserve a round of applause for this 👏👏👏
Hahaha earn a living from a relationship! Hilarious! You’re absolutely spot on with this post hey!
My dear, some of the things my gender do!
Thank you so much, Shelly! ♥️✨
Lol not all of us are that bad hey!
Right, right! 😁
Like Irene shared…
There are those men that want their women home full-time. I have encountered 1.
Personally, I believe In working together
Yes, there are, and that’s okay too as some women do not mind.