“You must have enjoyed it,” he said to her.
Lola’s jaw dropped. What on earth is he saying?
“You can’t tell me anything else. Or how can you be that young and someone will touch you, and still, you refused to tell anybody, not even your father?”
Lola stood transfixed on the spot; she couldn’t believe her ears. It must be a joke. Of course, it has to be a joke. Tears burn in the corner of her eyes, “He’s joking, he doesn’t mean it” she whispered to herself as she wiped the tears now streaming down her cheeks.
She searched her father’s face hoping to see anger. I mean, he should be angry, right? Well, maybe he was, just not at the right person. Lola had just blurted out during an argument with her father that her cousin had his way with her more than once when she was just a child, right there in the presence of her mother and siblings, and all her father said was, “You must have enjoyed it.”
He didn’t even act shocked by the news. He didn’t ask who the cousin was. He didn’t ask where and when it happened. Didn’t he care? Was she not his daughter? How could he possibly say that to her – that she must have enjoyed it, if not, her seven-year-old self should have reported the incident to her father or someone else at least?
Lola searched her father’s face again, waiting for him to retract his words or apologize or something. She turned to look at her mother, hoping, praying for… she didn’t know what she was expecting her to do, but surely not the deafening silence that engulfed the compound.
She had been having one of the rows with her father which had grown to be a regular occurrence. She couldn’t even remember what the fight was about, but she had accused him of not caring and neglecting her. One thing led to another, and before she could bring herself to stop, she was already mentioning how her cousin had sexually abused her.
“Ah ahn, daddy, you shouldn’t have said that now,” her mother finally spoke. Lola looked from her to her father and finally to her siblings standing by. They were too shocked by what they’ve heard to move or say anything.
“What do you mean I shouldn’t have said that?” Lola’s father retorted. “If she claims to be that young when it happened, why didn’t she tell anyone? It only shows that she enjoyed it, abi?
“That is a wrong thing to say, daddy!” Her mother scolded him again.
Father turned to Lola and asked, “Who did it? Which of your cousins did you say did it?”
Lola chuckled bitterly, shaking her head. “Wow, just wow. God definitely made a huge mistake making you a father,” she wanted to say, but instead, she glared at him in disgust, pushed past her mother and stormed into the house. She went into her room and locked the door behind her. She regretted her inability to control her temper that led her to tell her father and family members a secret she had sworn to take to the grave.
The truth was, she knew her father too well, and even though she didn’t expect such a cold response from him, she wasn’t entirely surprised by his reaction. He was one who could say just about anything to anyone, anywhere.
That was the last time the matter of her sexual abuse was ever raised in the house, but Lola will never forget how, that day, she felt abused all over again.
Her father’s words tore not only her vagina but her thighs, her buttocks, her stomach, and her ribs before finally shattering her heart. It hurt worse that what her cousin did to her.
Lola couldn’t push the nagging feeling that tugged at her heart as she laid her aching head on the pillow, silently shedding tears in the dark.
“…my father just raped me!”
***
Only God knows how many Lolas are out there, afraid to come out and tell their stories because of what they fear people will say to them. I mean, if her father, the one who birthed her, could blame her, what more a total stranger?
How many Lola’s fathers are out there, taking sides with their ‘brothers’ when these atrocities are committed?
How many of us keep mute and turn a blind eye until these crimes get home. “If it’s not my sister, it doesn’t concern me?”
How many ‘Lola’s cousins are out there perpetrating these crimes because they know they can get away with them?
I weep!
No jokes, I had to go into the toilet to cry while writing this, because Lola’s story is not fiction. I didn’t make her up. This is a true story. I know Lola and her story rends my heart.
You may not be the rapist but have you ever thought about the role you might be playing in allowing this crime? Do you sit with your friends and laugh about their sexcapades, knowing fully it’s rape?
Madam, do you send your house-help away with money, making her promise not to ever tell anyone what your husband did to her?
Are you one of those quick to ask what cloth she was wearing and what she was doing out late when the rape happened?
Are you keeping quiet because your children are all boys and well, you presume they are safe?
Why must we wait until it hits home before we stand up for what is JUST?
Really, my heart has been breaking by the different rape cases trending on twitter in the past few weeks. It’s almost like each day births a new unveiling. I’m sometimes scared to check the trend list, especially when I see a male and a female name trending separately. I go, “Oh Lord, please, let it not be another rape story.”
I’ve always shied away from conversations that revolve around rape and other forms of sexual assaults because of how it makes my skin crawl. My heart skips whenever I come across such a story or news. But today, I decided to lend my voice to this fight.
I have way too many questions that beg to be answered;
Who’s to blame for the rapes?
Mothers, for not training their sons right? Yes, I said mothers because bulk of the training is left to mothers on this side of the world, at least.
Fathers, for not even knowing the true values and principles to pass on to their sons?
Society, for thinking only a girl child should be trained on how to behave and carry herself?
Girls, for dressing in a provocative way (or not)?
Boys, for not knowing or bothering to learn how to control the hormones in their intromittent organ?
Pastors, for not infusing these talks in their sermons?
Imams, for not spelling these atrocities out during ilekeu?
The government, for not punishing perpetrators of these crimes?
Victims, for not speaking out?
Idiots, for falsely accusing innocent people of rape thereby invalidating genuine cases?
Enablers, for turning a blind eye to rape cases?
Who’s to blame?
#SayNoToRape
#StopRape
#StopRapingWomen
#EnoughIsEnough
Click here to read a rape victim’s story.
It’s really sad… we really need this change we keep clamoring about.
My heart is in severe pains right now.
😭😭
Yes, we do😢
Sad…😟
😥
We will be blamed if we sit our asses down and do nothing
We will be no different from the perpetrators
Say NO to RAPE!
Sound the alarm! 🔈🔉🔊
Rape can be equivalent to stealing, taking what you’re not given, even if it was bought for you but it hasn’t been handed over as yours and you take it, heck the person might change their mind of giving you. On this premise, in as much as the bulk of rape comes from men, from criminals to regular guys who feel that once a girl is at his place or have him over, or even a (family member’s heart) that’s been darkened by whatever exposure or thoughts and she likes him as family but his mind begins to wonder off till he succumbs to such evil act of taking what is not theirs and wasn’t given to them. Heck, we know cousins do sleep with each other, even kids of same parents. Where am I going with all this, men are typically stronger than women and we have a lot of good men that will give their lives to save women from abuse and danger, but we must also know that there are bad men that are looking for the slightest chance to do evil, hence the way you’ll protect yourself from a burglar, or a pick pocket, or a purse snatcher and so on that’s how I think women should try to protect themselves from rapist. Like other criminal activities being perpetrated you can never be ready enough for them, because some put so much thought into it while the lady is vulnerable or something, but like a friend of mine from school use to say back then, that she always carries a pin like hair broch or something in case any guy decides to be unfortunate. I have so much more to say, but let me rest it here.
I get that we should be careful, but then, is anywhere safe again? What about the father that takes advantage of his daughter? Who will she run to or better put, where is she expected to run to for safety?
Uwa, the Nigerian girl that was allegedly raped and mutilated by several men while reading in a CHURCH, what do we say about that, huh?
It’s a collective effort. Let’s not just teach girls to be safe. Let’s TEACH EVERYONE: man, woman, animals, objects even, how to treat the next person, respect boundaries and know to take NO as NO.
As much as I understand your point, Oluwasayo, I also think rape culture has escalated beyond what you propose. Rape is an evil act that has been in practice long before the Dark Ages. Men take undue advantages of women because of how the society (the Greek society as an example) conceive and construct the existence of the female gender. Throughout history, women have always been casualties of rape. It was considered, within the purview of warring circumstances, all well to rape women. Just recently, a First Lady had said that all was right in war as her response to a rape allegation against her son.
The reason why we are holding the whole male gender accountable for rape is because nobody can be trusted again. Boyfriends rape their girlfriends, uncles rape their nieces, brothers rape their sisters, husbands rape their wives. Uwa was raped and murdered in a church, where she thought she was most safe. So, it is beyond women protecting themselves against strangers. We all have a lot to do by educating the male child on how to treat women right. This is the most proactive and effective way to combat this menace. We need awareness, we need sensitisation at the grassroots, by NGOs, the Government, individuals, parents, teachers and clergymen and clergywomen.
There are a lot of Lolas in the society. In fact, the cases we hear about are less than 5%. 95% of rape cases are not heard of. I sincerely hope that we will get it right. Let us, the male gender, call ourselves to order. It begins with us. The change we want begins with each and everyone of us.
Very correct 💯
I’ve always been of the opinion that no matter the campaign, home training, speaking up etc, rape will still continue. I had a distant cousin who was raped to death many years ago. She’s probably not the last victim of the guys that raped her except a divine occurrence caught up with them.
What happens when rape victims speak up other than some bits of peace they experience for having someone else share their burden by listening and showing empathy?
Before speaking up by victims would hold water, we should all be sure that a rapist or rapists would definitely face the wrath of the law. If it was about dressing, then countries like the USA would be recording hundreds of rape cases in a day especially during summer, but this hardly happens because they have a good judicial system.
If rapists are not caught and adequately punished, then all these campaign against rape is a futile effort.
I couldn’t agree more, and I addressed it in my new post, please check it out.
I’m sorry about your cousin😢
😩 I hope one day we get a safe place for us
I hope it happens soon
Oh no