Sex is sweet, yeah, I know it and you know it too. The person who knows this the most is your body, which is why it gives you varying signs that it wants it. How then can a celibate person who is in a relationship (or not) stay away from having sex?
You see, a number of ‘strong’ persons like myself, particularly Christians, believe they have some sort of superpower and inner strength that can withstand any test. We dare enter risky situations because we trust that our inner strength is enough to get us out when things get messy.
My younger sister shared something on Wednesday on her Gist with Gold platform on discipline and how some celibate people trust their strengths enough to keep them celibate.
I’m one of those persons.
If you’ve been around the Galaxy for a while, you’d know by now that I’m a nudist. Now, for someone like myself whose major love language is physical touch, that’s a bit of an issue. You see, staying celibate in a relationship as a nudist who enjoys physical touch isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Once I get comfortable with my partner, you’d most likely find me walking around the house in my undies and almost stark naked. Like, I get so used to my man that I forget he is an actual person (man) with raging hormones and not one of my girlfriends. Gosh!
Imagine what kinda torture that is for any man considering how damn hot I am. Yeah, I know it😜
I never gave it much thought as somewhere in my head I was probably thinking “Oh, now I’m comfortable with this man, let me just be my true self around him”, yeah, nothing more. No second thought, no consideration whatsoever.
This is even worse because with my scantily dressed state, I’d still be all over my partner: sitting on his face, holding him at every chance I get, kissing him from behind, placing my foot on his chest and cuddling the heck outta him. (BTW, I think cuddling is the sweetest thing ever!)
I never really stopped once to think what all these could be doing to my partner (and me). I simply assume that we already have an understanding and agreement that we weren’t consummating our relationship and that’s all there is to worry about. Besides, it’s not like he’s going to force himself on me, right?
Let’s get into the main gist I’m sure you’ve been itching to read… LOL.
Josh (not his real name) & I had been dating for a few months and we’d already gotten to the sleeping-over-once-in-a-while, farting-in-each-other’s-face, and stealing-quick-kisses-in-public stage in our relationship. I could now wear my flimsy nightie to bed instead of his big old T-shirt while praying that NEPA restores power so I won’t die of heat. I mean, do you know how uncomfortable it is to wear a full shirt and long trousers or baggy shorts to bed and still want to cuddle up to your man inside heat? Not fun at all, man!
One fateful Saturday, I was staying over at Josh’s place. It was one of those days you could bet the last person to enter hellfire left the gate wide open. The heat was not Nigerian made. Even the fan was blowing hot air. He was having his bath when he called out that I brought something (can’t remember what now) to the bathroom door for him. My overly playful and naughty self decided to push the door open with the hope of meeting a restraint from him but he didn’t see my mischief coming, hence the door fell wide open. Son of man was butt naked.
I gasped at the sight before me.
“What are you doing with all that?”
“I don’t know”. He shrugged. “What do they do with it?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing, Josh!” I retorted in horror.
“Well, my friends and brother always say I’m big but there’s nothing I can do about it”.
“Wait what? I’m not talking about your… You know”. I looked away blushing.
Yeah, he was big but that was not what I was referring to. I was talking about the bush on him growing long and wild!
“Oh!” he covered his groin in embarrassment.
It was then I decided I had seen enough. I handed him what I brought and shut the door.
Well, as I’m no saint, I found myself thinking about his phallus over the next few days. How can someone be that big? How on earth is a woman supposed to take all that in? What would it feel like? And so on.
“Don’t you think you smell down there with all that hair?”
“I don’t”. He replied with his characteristic mischievous toothy smile. “Do you want to check yourself?”
“Eeew! Abeg abeg, please shave that thing off”.
“Will you help me?”
“Yeah, sure”. I said without thinking.
“Okay, let’s go then”.
“What? Go where?”
“To shave me”.
“Yeah. Why not?”
He held my hand and led me into the bathroom. I remember shaking like I was being led to the slaughter. It was a bad idea, but before I could change my mind, man had already pulled down his boxers.
“I guess we’re doing this then”. I muttered under my breath.
Fast forward to several minutes later, I was done shaving this man clean. I’ll spare you the details but mehn, I hope my pastors are not reading this episode 🙈
That was some level of intimacy and see finish (literally) I’ve never had with any man. And as you can imagine, that got us in our feelings. Guess what? We had Bible study in church later that evening. 😂 Thank goodness God is not man. It felt like everyone in church could tell what I had done just by looking at me.
Few days after that, I was visiting my boyfriend again on a hot afternoon, but the room was chilled by the air conditioning system. One minute we were under the duvet cuddling and gisting about God-knows-what, the next we were both naked and staring into each other’s eyes, and breathing heavily. I don’t know how it happened.
“We can’t do this”, He said breathlessly.
I bit my lips and nodded because I wasn’t really hearing anything he was saying. All that was on my mind was how to convince him we could. Looking down his waist was my undoing. I covered his lips with mine and placed his hands where I thought they should be. He responded, but not for long.
He pushed me aside before we got too far.
“Please…” I begged with a shaky voice. “Please, I want you”.
“I want you, too”.
“Let’s do it then”.
He held my head in his hands and planted a wet kiss on my forehead.
“You know we can’t”
“Please…” I tried to kiss him again but he wouldn’t let me.
“Don’t you love me? Aren’t you feeling the same way?” I asked with a pout. I pulled him closer to me. The heat from his naked chest warmed my bosom.
“Please, Josh, this once”.
He gave me a long kiss and dashed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I fell on the bed shaking from the cold air, unsatisfied pleasure and embarrassment. If that man hadn’t locked the door behind him, I know I would have run after him. By the time he came out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist, I was fully dressed.
“I’ll wait for you outside”. I said, unable to look him in the eye.
I was ashamed of myself. Did I just beg for sex? I kept wondering what might be running through his mind about my action. Did he think I was cheap? Would he still respect me?
The next few days were awkward between us. I refused to see him and would barely talk to him on the phone. When we finally met again, seeing how I was about the incident, he took his time to explain that he wanted me as much as I did and that he refused and ‘ran’ away because he knew we both wouldn’t feel the same way after the deed was done.
Ah, the relief!
Why this story?
Your decision to be celibate and your confidence in your strength are not enough to keep you away from having sex when you are not ready. Like, who would have thought I’d be the one begging for sex? Shame dey even catch me now sef 😭😭😭
Dear Celibate (Christian), getting into a compromising position with your partner and thinking you have enough strength is plain stupidity. Stop deceiving yourself, my darling.
Relationships thrive on communication, choices and decisions. One of the first conversations you should have with your partner is boundaries – boundaries in the sense of dos and don’ts. What are the things you people could do or not? Have you both agreed to remain celibate throughout the relationship? It is very important to have these conversations.
Josh and I had earlier agreed we were not going to have sex which was why he knew that me begging him for sex then wasn’t part of the plan. I was just caught in the heat of the moment.
Also, I think it is worthy of note to mention that deciding to be celibate alone is not enough; you have to be cautious, careful and observant. Josh and I had series of compromising sexual signals between us. I had seen him stark naked and also gotten too comfortable to be naked around him. Your body is more powerful than you think.
Don’t go around testing its strength because you believe you have everything under control. Be wise! Celibacy is a decision you make in your mind and not necessarily with your body which has blood, water and hormones flowing through it. The only way to subdue the body is from that same mind.
Whoop, Stars! We’re gradually wrapping up this series. I want to take a moment to appreciate everyone who has reached out to me via email, DM, phone call, etc., about how this series has touched them and how much they enjoy it. Honestly, I had no clear-cut direction where I wanted this series headed; I just wanted to share some of my experiences with the Galaxy, seeing this topic is not one we readily and openly discuss. Thank you a bunch for following. Y’all are the real MVPs.