The Friend I Hate, But Love

The thing is, I genuinely love you, but I hate you just as much. However, mama always told me hate is too strong a word, so I’d stick with dislike. Friend, this is a worthless letter from me to you. It is a futile effort because I know it won’t change anything. Still, I write…

~

Dear Friend,

I really do not like you
But I love you.
There are so many things about you that I do not like
But I can’t help that I love you
And sincerely, I don’t like that I love you.

You hurt me the most with your words
And have no gag when it comes to my feelings.
I get that you believe in saying whatever is on your mind
But could be a little more careful with your choice of words?
Friend, you do not criticize from a place of love or care
Instead, you bash with the sole aim of hurting, belittling and shaming.

And that hurts because you’re meant to be my friend
The friend that I do not like but love
And this drives me nuts!

You only ask about me when you have something to tell me
When you need someone to brag to about your latest achievements and escapades.
It’s my shoulders you cry on when your heart is broken
I wrap my arms around you when life throws you shit
But when it’s my turn to cry, all I get is a WhatsApp sticker
You don’t listen to what I have to say even though you ask, “How are you, baby girl?”

You hurt me and I think you do so intentionally
I don’t take offense even when I’m offended
And I never ask you to apologize because I know you won’t.

Friend, I’m in a toxic relationship with you
One I know is not healthy for me but,
I’m too cheery to call you out on your bullshit
Maybe I deserve it all. I must, right?

You will read this (or not) and wonder if this poem is about you
You’ll probably know it’s about you
But I also know you will just pretend like you didn’t just read what you just read
I know you will never ask me about this poem
And I will also pretend like I don’t know you’ve read this.

You and I will remain in this abusive relationship for the longest time
And I may never tell you how much I do not like you
Maybe when we are old and grey.
In the meantime, you will keep hurting me because you know you can
And I will remain your friend and endure all the pain and ill-treatment

We will remain friends
Because I’m scared of losing you
We will maintain the status quo until I grow some balls
We will ride or die until the water under this our ship dries up

Because…
You are the friend I don’t like, but I love.

Maybe, I just don’t love myself enough.

Yours forever,

The bruised one.

~

This poem was me attempting to write from the perspective of the victim in an abusive relationship. If you are in any form of toxic relationship (romantic, spiritual, business, etc., I hope you find the needed strength to leave.

You, my dear, can do better. You just need to love and believe yourself enough to do it.❤️✨

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Bolaji Gelax

Hey, Star! Thanks for stopping by my world. I'm a gorgeous, sassy radio junkie who enjoys playing devil's advocate. I love everything that makes me happy, which includes the Stars in my #Galaxy. They call me MISS FLOWERY because I bring good vibes, love and light. Feel free to explore my world ❤✨

29 thoughts on “The Friend I Hate, But Love

  1. Hmm.
    This one hit me hard ooo.
    Don’t we all have that friend we don’t like but can’t help but love.
    Anyway, I am currently writing a blog post to address their matter.
    Thank you for this.
    I hope those guilty make amends before it is too late.

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  2. “I really do not like you
    But I love you.
    There are so many things about you that I do not like
    But I can’t help that I love you
    And sincerely, I don’t like that I love you.”
    This sheds man a tear.

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  3. One art I have learned is to let go after many times of trying to iron out issues with a friend or lover.

    My health is now key… If I have tried to work with you to get our relationship to better grounds and one side is not cooperating, I let go… Letting go doesn’t mean I hate you, it means I love you so much that I don’t want us to get into trouble

    There are a whole 7bn+ people to love on

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    1. Hmmm… I really do like your approach, Love.

      And yes, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it has to do with one’s health, happiness and peace of mind.

      Thanks for reading, my love. ❤️✨

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  4. Powerful letter right there ❤️. I think we all have such toxic relationships in our lives. Sometimes we are the toxic ones subconsciously 😂. Life is a puzzle but Love until it hurts. That’s where the fulfillment and joy are.

    When you love until it hurts there’s nothing left to lose. At that point only your love matters❤️🙏.

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  5. This reminds me of the kind of relationship Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath had. Both were brilliant poets and should be expected to have had a very romantic relationship. But Ted is said to have physically abused Sylvia until she committed suicide.

    I think relationships are complicated given that people give up parts of themselves to have, build and sustain the relationship. Nevertheless, I think people should always find the courage and strength to leave any relationship that is toxic and is not healthy for them. It might not be easy, but it is necessary for one’s health.

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  6. It is takes time, but i’m sure you will grow balls to leave. Abusive situations are no joke, hopefully you find freedom and the healing you need. If it helps i want you to know that you deserve to be in friendships where there is reciprocation of effort.

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  7. I have had a friendship or two like this. So toxic and kept me insecure about who I was. After a couple of years I ended them and to be honest, that was the best decision I made for my mental health. Beautiful poem.

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  8. Stand not in any form of abusive relationship. it is dangerous to self. We all need to grow some balls both male and female. Don’t hold on to hate neither drown in love. Listen to Craig David classic…Walk Away.

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