The thing is, I genuinely love you, but I hate you just as much. However, mama always told me hate is too strong a word, so I’d stick with dislike. Friend, this is a worthless letter from me to you. It is a futile effort because I know it won’t change anything. Still, I write…
I really do not like you
But I love you.
There are so many things about you that I do not like
But I can’t help that I love you
And sincerely, I don’t like that I love you.
You hurt me the most with your words
And have no gag when it comes to my feelings.
I get that you believe in saying whatever is on your mind
But could be a little more careful with your choice of words?
Friend, you do not criticize from a place of love or care
Instead, you bash with the sole aim of hurting, belittling and shaming.
And that hurts because you’re meant to be my friend
The friend that I do not like but love
And this drives me nuts!
You only ask about me when you have something to tell me
When you need someone to brag to about your latest achievements and escapades.
It’s my shoulders you cry on when your heart is broken
I wrap my arms around you when life throws you shit
But when it’s my turn to cry, all I get is a WhatsApp sticker
You don’t listen to what I have to say even though you ask, “How are you, baby girl?”
You hurt me and I think you do so intentionally
I don’t take offense even when I’m offended
And I never ask you to apologize because I know you won’t.
Friend, I’m in a toxic relationship with you
One I know is not healthy for me but,
I’m too cheery to call you out on your bullshit
Maybe I deserve it all. I must, right?
You will read this (or not) and wonder if this poem is about you
You’ll probably know it’s about you
But I also know you will just pretend like you didn’t just read what you just read
I know you will never ask me about this poem
And I will also pretend like I don’t know you’ve read this.
You and I will remain in this abusive relationship for the longest time
And I may never tell you how much I do not like you
Maybe when we are old and grey.
In the meantime, you will keep hurting me because you know you can
And I will remain your friend and endure all the pain and ill-treatment
We will remain friends
Because I’m scared of losing you
We will maintain the status quo until I grow some balls
We will ride or die until the water under this our ship dries up
You are the friend I don’t like, but I love.
Maybe, I just don’t love myself enough.
The bruised one.
This poem was me attempting to write from the perspective of the victim in an abusive relationship. If you are in any form of toxic relationship (romantic, spiritual, business, etc., I hope you find the needed strength to leave.
You, my dear, can do better. You just need to love and believe yourself enough to do it.❤️✨