Hallo lovers! It’s the twelfth day in December but guess what, it’s my own #Blogmas Day 8. That’s to tell you how epileptic I’ve been with this blogmas thing. Guys… this sh*t ain’t easy, at all.
Gosh! I’ve been lot busier at work lately and I always get home very hungry, tired and sleepy.
But not to worry, we’ll work something out. I promise!
Today, I’ll be sharing with you my list of Top Ten Christmas Gifts Nigerian Bosses give their Employees this Season.
I’ve found out that other than high ranking office holders who receive gifts from all and sundry, and aged parents who get gifts from their grown children, other Nigerians seem to only get Christmas gifts from their employers –that’s for those who are employed anyway.
Now, don’t get it twisted, the high ranking officers don’t get more gifts because they are special, far from it! The reasons they go home almost every day this season with the trunk of their car filled are as follows;
- Some people are trying to water the ground for favours
- Some are simply lobbying for a spot in their bosses’ good book
- Some gift them because they don’t want to be left out
- Meanwhile, some others, like myself, gift their bosses because we are awesome like that!
All right, back to the gist…
I think teachers are the next set of people who receive the most gifts this season. Most especially, teachers who have warm, pleasant and caring personality. Parents love people who care about their kids and as such, those teachers gets loads of gifts.
I’ve worked in a school before and even though I only had one student, a special-need angel, I was still spoiled rotten with gifts.
My student’s mum bought me a beautiful midi skirt, a flirty blue crop top, a set of jewelry and an envelope. I won’t tell you how much was inside the envelope but, it was enough for Mr. Owo to get envious. BTW, I still have that skirt. It’s a little bigger than me, so I’ve been keeping it till the day (if it ever comes) that I will gain enough flesh in the right place to rock the skirt…hehehe
Some teachers in my school that day, had to call their spouse to come pick them from work because of the gifts they got. That’s the day you know if you’ve been a really good teacher and if your students and their parents like you or not.
I know how my cousins disturb their parents to get their class teachers Christmas gifts because they like them and the teachers have been nice to them. This one time, one of my cousins asked his mum to only buy gift for his class help and not the teacher. You see, this class help always paid more attention to the pupils while the teacher was all about shouting at them and getting them to be properly behaved. I have no doubt that class help got more gifts from parents than the class teacher that Christmas.
It pays to be good, especially to children. They know who likes them and cares about them.
Okay, enough digression, let’s get straight into Nigerian employers and the gifts they give their employees this season;
Christmas is synonymous to rice and Rice is directly proportional to Christmas. At least, I know this is so in Nigeria. If you do not cook rice in your house on Christmas day, neighbors will definitely bring bowls of jollof, fried or white rice to your house. The only way to escape that is to look your gate or travel out of Nigeria. It has been a lifelong tradition in Nigeria.
What this means is, rice is always more expensive during the yuletide season. For this, thoughtful Nigeria employers tend to always buy bags of rice and share to their employees. Some go the extra mile of giving them pre-packaged 2kg, 5kg or 10 kg bags of rice. The really classy companies even customize the rice bags. However, the bleeeh employers buy bags of rice and get one or two of the employees to divide the rice into small black nylons, no time for packaging.
2. GROUNDNUT OIL
It is a giving. It is either rice or groundnut oil for Christmas. Only a few employers give both. I always opt for groundnut oil,
I don’t know why. Scratch that, I think I do. Somewhere in my head, I believe it is classier to take a branded bottle of groundnut oil than rice in black nylon bags. Might also be because I don’t like cooking so why take rice when I can re-gift the groundnut oil to someone else. See why I do it now? I’m too smart abeg!
3. LIVE CHICKEN
I’ve never gotten this but I know tons of people who have, Mumsy inclusive. Need I mention that the chickens they give the junior staff (if at all they do) always look malnourished. So here is the gist (you’ve been waiting me to say this right? LOL); employers always give the senior staff members fat white chickens while the junior staff members get lean brown chickens with white streaks. The brown chickens that have long necks and make the most noise. Gosh! What’s with that though?
4. SEASONING CUBES & SALT
“We’ve given you rice, groundnut oil and chicken; of course, you will need some seasoning cubes and salt to make your Christmas meal yummy.”
“Even though we did not give you any rice, oil or chicken, we are sure you still need seasoning cubes and salt for your holiday cooking.”
I like to think that’s the line of thought of these Nigerian bosses when they give their workers salt and seasoning cubes as Christmas gifts. Small sachet of salt o and one or two of those N120 seasoning cubes. Jeez! After a full year of working with you, that’s all you think your workers deserve? Not nice abeg!
5. PACK OF JUICE/SOFT DRINK & BOTTLED WATER
Some ‘lucky’ employees get packs of juice/soft drinks and bottled water in addition to other Christmas gifts like rice, oil, seasoning cubes and salt. I say ‘lucky’ employees because only the senior workers get this privilege; it is definitely not for the masses. Except, of course, you work in a juice factory or bottling company.
Again, only a selected few get this but then, it comes in grades.
Grade 1: officials who get tin milk (liquid or powdered), cocoa beverage like bournvita or milo and St. Louis sugar cubes, which is also, always, in addition to other Christmas gifts.
Grade 2: those that ONLY get a roll or two at most, of sachet milk and beverage.
Grade 2 plus+: this ones get their roll of sachet milk and cocoa beverage plus a sachet of salt and a few seasoning cubes counted and tied in transparent sugar nylons. Chai, Jesus! I can’t even laugh
The hamper receivers are not just anybody, irrespective of the hamper size. In Nigeria, we only believe in giving bosses, senior government officials, pastors, mentors, celebrities, senior management staff and board members hampers. Employers and almost every average Nigerian, don’t think hampers are to be given to ‘ordinary’ people.
Hampers receivers level is an status many people aspire to attain. So, if you receive hampers from your employers, it is one of two things; you are either a senior level officer or you work with a really big company. Either way, you are an envy and prayer point to thousands of Nigerians.
8. EARLY SALARIES
Oh, the Nigerian Federal and State Governments are epitomes of this type of employers. See ehn, if you are not a senior government office holder, best believe, your Christmas gift is, if you are lucky that year, early salary. That’s all!
“I can’t say something now and my oga at the top will say something else” Nigerians, remember this joke?
On the other hand, it is stingy employers who most likely have no other gift planned for their employers, who give early salaries as Christmas gifts. They think they are doing you a huge favor by paying your salary quite early so you can have money to buy your children Christmas clothes and any other expenses that the season comes with. Like, how is paying people the salary they worked for, Christmas gift? I can’t deal, please.
9. CHRISTMAS PARTY AND EMPLOYEE’S APPRECIATION/RECOGNITION
Some employers do not mind dipping hands into the company’s purse to throw a Christmas for their staff. These employers are either really appreciative of the work done by the company in that calendar year, or have been grudgingly coerced into having the party by really persistent employees. Sometimes, it is organised mainly out of tradition. But, whatever their reason is, the workers get treated to a Christmas party.
The really appreciative and thoughtful employers however, make the party more special by giving bonuses to their staff. They either share a percentage of the company’s profit that year with all members of staff or appreciate the most outstanding employees of the year with recognition and bonuses. The underlining phrase however is, “according to the employer’s or management’s discretion.”
“Not even thanks for coming, you are wicked” – Falz 2017
These employers, aka akagums don’t care about nothin’. They’ve paid you your salary and that’s it! if you like have a merry Christmas, if you like don’t resume work next year because you are mad at them, they will gladly give your job out without batting an eyelid. Hian! This set of Nigerian bosses gat no chills whatsoever, pheeew!
“The heart of man is desperately wicked” – Jeremiah 17:9 (paraphrased)
These are my top ten Christmas gifts I believe employees get from their Nigerian bosses. Have you ever received any of these gifts from your employer? If so, do share in the comment section.
I’ll also like to know if there are any other great or ridiculous Christmas gifts you’ve ever received from your company or boss?
Thank you for riding with me on this BLOGMAS 2019. Find the previous posts below. KISSES!