“Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing.”
The koko master, “I’m D’banj!” joyfully sang in his hit track, “Fall in Love,” showering his love interest with praises and promises of faithfulness for coming into his life.
For many decades, we’ve heard beautiful love tunes from the men folks that would make almost any woman want to fall in love with us. But when the music is put aside, it seems matters of the heart are complicated because we hear too many women complaining about, “He loves me but he is not in love with me!” “Men are scum!” “Men are useless” “Oh, he is very insecure!”
And ultimately, “What do men really want, aside sex?”
Women are generally believed to be the problematic gender to understand. Knowledge about we the phallus-bearers isn’t as complicated as the ladies, even though we tend have different views on issues relating to love and matters of the heart. This would explain why our acts are poles apart in relationships. But basically, our needs in a relationship are similar; and it’s not all about SEX.
Truth be said, men think of sex most of the time, even while enjoying other activities. It tops our conversation too, aside from talk of football, making money and building an empire, of course. The recent “girlfriend naked challenge” that trended on social media where ladies recorded their man’s reaction on seeing them naked while playing a video game can attest to this fact. The way some guys flung their gamepad at the sight of their naked girlfriend shows how prone men are with visuals.
A guy tried this same challenge, and his girlfriend was more confused than excited, “Why are you naked?” She asks with a smirk on her face.
A man will be attracted to different kind of girls in his lifetime, it’s like we are drawn by what we see before knowing the full package. I am sure ladies know this! Every time you step out, one Don Juan is trying to get your attention with his smooth operator lines, or a Jack Dawson is admiring you from afar, hoping to get a shot into your life. Some ladies are used to it; they say it’s obvious where all the attention and affection is heading to. Do you though?
I know some men act like a fool, some brothers can really go all out to do the ladies wrong, no bro code lost here, some of us are jerks in relationships, but some bad eggs in a crate do not make all eggs bad. Abi?
All men are not scum, douche bag, dog, beast, or demons. I know some men who are straightforward creatures with some definite purpose and needs in a relationship.
From my personal experience and talking with the brothers on love and relationship, I will outline seven (7) insights into the men’s world as regard relationship needs below:
Seven Things Men Want in a Relationship
1. Men Need Respect
All men have that need to be respected in a relationship. We are emotional beings and very sensitive; you can call us overgrown babies. When our inamorata disrespects us, it hurts badly. A man will give so much to be respected. The way a lady talks to her man inside and outside goes a long way. Don’t compare us to your friends’ boyfriend or husband in the negative. We hate your ex. We don’t want you always referring us to how sweet he was. Damn it!
We don’t know everything, but we sure want our views aired. We want that peace of mind in a relationship. That you put us in high esteem is calming to our nerves. It’s a mental thing; ultimately, a man always responds well to such feelings. He will always aim to do right by you and be proud of you. Respect builds trust and a sense of acceptance in a relationship.
2. Men Need Security and Loyalty
For sure, the hardest Tom out there needs security and loyalty from his woman to build up his confidence and trust in her. Forget the Alpha Male reputation; most men are insecure in love. It’s not only women that mark territory. Men do too. We are insecure because we are territorial in nature. “Let no one cross here, she’s mine!” And we hope you give no one that intimate affection.
Some men express this territorial nature through violence, which is totally brute and wrong. Some show their frustration in words and coldness. He may not necessarily tweet “leave my woman alone” but I mean, if we have strong affection for you, we want to feel we are the one good enough for you in many ways. If it’s obvious we are not, we aim to be, please be patient with us while we work it out.
Don’t flirt with another dude in our presence, please. It hurts us so badly to the marrow. Don’t ask us for what you know we can’t yet afford, and then scream “heaven knows what” to our face when some random dude delivers it. It kills our manly pride. Use discretion. Help us attain this stability by respecting our feelings and being loyal to us in courtship or marriage. We will worship you.
3. Men Need a Woman of Value
We need our woman to be a person of value. A woman is God’s blessing to a man. She’s naturally a support system. We need a lady who is driven by the passion for what she loves doing and creating value for herself and inspiration to others. Let happiness flow within and through you.
We want to be able to communicate freely with our women, don’t just spring up once in a while on our radar, or keep us hanging on a simple chat. People create time for someone they love, and if you are not creating time for us, then you are probably creating time for someone else that matters more to you.
Open communication, even in the absence of physical presence, goes a long way to create a strong bond. Set aside time for us. Reply to our message timely, check upon us, and initiate contact too.
Make an effort to listen to us; don’t display inattentiveness when we try to make a serious point. We pick up nonverbal communication signals and see your body language even when it seems we don’t. Some of us are prone to wrong interpretation of signals, and some need your thoughts spelt out. Please communicate your feelings and thought well. Pass the right message. We’ll appreciate it.
5. Cut Us Some Slacks
Men need their women to understand this! Girl, we Love you even if we don’t say it much again. A man is almost always the first to say “I love you” at the early stage of a relationship, but the lady is virtually certain to say it often in the relationship. We know our lady always wants to hear sweet affectionate words, and when she doesn’t get it, she feels we’ve changed and this leads to several issues.
Meanwhile, nothing may have changed as regards how we feel about you, just that the pressure the society puts on being a man, the hustle and bustle of daily life, trying to make ends meet coupled with the determination to make our woman proud of us can make us less expressive of our love with words.
A man feels you already know he cares by the little thing he does, but of course, the lady wants to hear it always. Honestly, we feel she should know already. We need you to understand this. Judge us by the efforts and actions we take to make you happy and not the words we don’t always say. We know you love to hear sweet things, but man! Okay fine, we’ll intensify our effort. Happy now?
6. Men Need Compliments and Appreciation
We love compliments, too; it releases a good feel and pushes us to do more. We know we are lagging in some aspect, but we want our woman to give us loads of compliments when we go a mile. Boost our morale! Tell us how ravishing we look on that new shirt, that new haircut, etc. If you don’t like the colour of the shirt, look for something you like first, maybe the button or material used, before telling us how awful the shirt looks.
Most of us want to believe we are fashion-oriented; sometimes, we try too hard to impress. Correct or show your style preference with a little compliment on our own choice. A little praise goes a long way, and we need those.
We also have that need to feel appreciated for those little things we do. Appreciate our small efforts and see us strive to do more. There are many simple ways to make us feel appreciated, like a random afternoon text message, a surprised thoughtful present on our birthday or special occasion.
I hear some men have never received a pen as a gift, talk more of a cake on any of their birthdays from their better half, haba! Some men will act like it’s no big deal, but trust me, he will feel appreciated and loved by such efforts from his woman or any female friend for that matter, and you can take this to the bank.
7. Men Need Guidance in Intimacy
Do guide us to please you and hit your jackpot (spliced folks only please) we certainly do have performance anxiety. We want to be your Prince Rider in shining armour. We want to be your powerful stallion, your Lion, the king of your jungle. It boosts our ego, but we can’t get to the peak of your mountain with a crushed ego. We need your help and guidance to navigate and reach that G-spot. You know the road better. Guide us.
Men’s needs, as outlined here, are not in any way exhaustive. Some ladies have had terrible experiences with men even after being committed in a relationship, therefore the infamous phrases we hear about men. Ladies, please know a man will give insight to his intention either at the wooing stage, early-stage or during the relationship. You’ll know if he’s a “playboy” or a committed fellow.
How? Well, men are generally obvious creatures, and they leave clues scattered around. Ladies! Don’t turn a blind eye! Pay attention; know who you are dealing with.
When you meet the man with the right bearings and affection, please give him all the RESPECT he craves for (this is the main koko of all)
“Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing!“