Why on earth would anyone
not want to attend their ex’s wedding?
With the population of the world and the many different backgrounds, cultures, and families from which we all emerge, everyone experiences life differently.
The world is not black or white, it is full of colours, and I am of the school of thought that we should all share our experiences, our stories, what makes us different. One thing I do is share mine, very often, and excitedly so.
And when people have varying opinions to mine, I am not one to bring up a fight. I completely understand that peoples’ experiences and stories are very valid, as well as mine.
Which brings me to how I feel about attending my exes’ wedding, how my personal journey influences my feeling about this, and why it is okay that you should not feel the same way.
Some background; I do not have a lot of exes. Lol. Actually, I have only ever dated 1 person officially, and it lasted for 3 years give or take, maybe 4. I am also one to date people because I love and want to be with them, not with the expectation of a perfect future together. You can call me the Queen of living in the moment.
We were young, he was the first person I dated ever, we had a very lovely relationship, it was non-toxic in any way, shape or form, and the break up was more like a transition. He is also a fine gentleman. Lol.
Most of this relationship happened while in uni, and towards the end of it. I graduated and went for youth service and he also graduated and went for his housemanship as a Doctor.
Our relationship was never built on “it has to end in marriage”, and never did we focus it on “when we get married” or “when we have kids”. We loved each other, did right by each other and lived in the moment. It was also an exclusive relationship; we didn’t have multiple partners.
My belief is that he had a different level of exposure when we graduated outside of our “living in the bubble” university moments, causing him to be distracted from our relationship. I understand what exposure does to you, and it is okay for growth.
When I realized that his attention had shifted to other people, I didn’t see the need to hold on any longer. If we were ever going to have a relationship, both of us had to be present and committed. So things never got toxic, nor did we do or say anything hurtful to each other.
It was simply a transition to another level of exposure for both of us. And this is what I consider relationships to be, not every relationship will last forever, and this does not invalidate the authenticity or perfection of what existed. – It was beautiful while it lasted.
We had a break for a while and eventually became cordial. I mean we dated for about 4 years, I doubt that we can completely throw that friendship away. Actually, he bought me a phone even while we were no longer dating, lol.
So you can imagine. 4/5 years down the line, this gentleman sends me an invitation for his wedding. This was not an out of the blue contact, we had kept in touch from time to time, and WhatsApp also keeps people closer.
I believe it is the respectful thing to do especially because we’d remained cordial. But this did not mean I wanted to honour the invitation. Lol. Who am I kidding? I doubt that there is any way I will not be in my feelings please, considering the history we had and how we transitioned in the relationship.
I do not in any way, shape or form wish that he was married to me, we’ve had that conversation previously. At a point, we were technically both single, and if we wanted to be together, we would have. That phase of our life was over a long time ago. But this does not mean that I stopped liking him.
I do not know how I would have felt sitting in the crowd, watching this person say their vows to the love of their lives, but I did not intend to find out. I was also glad to be away from the country when the wedding happened. Perfect excuse.
I am a very hyper person and very much so at weddings, how was I supposed to comport myself at my ex’s wedding? Lol, because that is what I will be expected to do right? Comport myself and not scatter the dance floor with my hyper dance moves. Lol.
Also, would I be expected to go say hello to their siblings? How was I supposed to react around our mutual friends present?
Lol. It is just a lot of emotion that I was not interested in processing.
I prefer not to attend the wedding of someone I was once in love with, especially considering the motions of our relationship. It is a lot of emotions that I am not interested in processing, and it is not from a place of hurt, or jealousy. The ex-also knows my good will as we still remain cordial. – Which is all that matters.
About Tope Emiola
I am boring in real life, I write about Digital Marketing at tope.marketing, you may check out some of my work there if that interests you. If you looking to grow your business on Facebook and Instagram, Download my free guide: Find Your Customers on Facebook and Instagram.